Living underwater.

Last post

2009-12-23T13:42:00.003+08:00

Assalamualaikum.

Blog ni da tue da. Da over 2 years old and I have sooo much memories scribbled in the blog. The good ones and the bad ones. I think it's time for me to start a new chapter, and I have thought about this for quite sometime.

Aku rase nak mulakan chapter baru dalam hidup ni with another blog. I want to leave the past, take what's good for me and move on. Aku dah taknak lagi, look back and feel regret of the things that I have done throughout my life.

This my new blog. It's on wordpress. Matang skek :)

www.switch2wani.wordpress.com

It's still the old wani. :D

take care everyone and see you all soon
Assalamualaikum

mane nak cari ni?

2009-12-22T07:30:00.004+08:00

mau mau mau!

tak taw nak boh tajuk per.

2009-12-16T12:39:00.004+08:00

I envy others
whose smiles seem like rainbows
after a heavy rain.
I envy others with faith
that life has its own mystery
in pulling itself together.

So
I set myself aside
trying to unpuzzle the hidden message.
people said it is.
falling and standing up again.
taking what's important and good
and leaving those nasty things behind.

the future is far ahead.
it's moving nonetheless fast.
and the worst thing is that,
one never know what would be happening.

like Audrey said.
just accept life unconditionally.
and never to expect for it to do anything special for me.
just letting me having it
for this short while
and making it worthwhile.

apa yang penting?

2009-12-10T10:08:00.002+08:00

the hereafter is the thing that matters the most. perasan tak?

we hear everyday that life is a journey, the destination is what's important. blablabla. itula yang kite salu dengar.

tapi perasan tak, kalau life is just journey, what happens to the things that happen in our life? contohnyer, macam passing the exam, getting a good job or breaking up? apakah semua itu?

yes. indeed, they are just those little things that makes up our life.

which then leads to THE question:

penting ke sumer bende-bende tuh kepada kite?

maksudnyer...see, our aim, our main vision and mission is to get to the destination safely. and again, apakah destination kite? yes. akhirat.

and later in the after life, will the Lord be asking about what you did for your living or who you first broke up with? no, right?

so, ape sebenarnyer yang penting dalam life ni sebenarnyer?

the question is, what is important in this journey of life that would make us happy and insyAllah reach the destination safely?

is it the car that you drive?
is it the person you have a crush with?
is it the clothes that you wear?

see, the destination is like reaching school on a school day. a process.

pagi2 kene bangun and mandi. mase mandi kene sabun, kene gosok gigi.
then, you've to have breakfast. minum milo, makan roti.
after that, you might need to take the bus to school or maybe your parents will take you to school.
so, the bus moves, the car drives. only then, only then you reach the school gate.

macam tuh la jugak hidup ni.

alhamdulillah...

2009-12-09T15:00:00.003+08:00

Alhamdulillah syukur...I cannot wish for anything better than this. Thanks so much.

docs da siap, jumpe en.zul

2009-12-07T20:29:00.004+08:00

Owh yeah. /jumping of joy/

I met encik zul today. yela. encik zul as in encik zul la.yang cute tuh :).. menghantar borang2 berkenaan dan brtanya bermcm2 perihal terbang2 ni. He was really nice, and friendly too. as always...:)

He confirmed that we, the people, will go. WILL GO.

Alhamdulillah syukur. :)

Just that, the course that's supposed to be a week,will be shortened to 1 day time. so, sehari jer la... meaning, they'll be more time to lepak with the guys from Borneo. best2...

just in case korang sumr tak taw, aku terhilangkan sumer certs aku yang dulu berada dalam sebuah file ijau. at the moment I dont know where the file is, and thank god, abang ade. abang as in AK ok. dier la yang telah melabur duet minyak motor untuk amik my certs copy from hep...nasib baek la dier ade.....sungguh bnyak prob sejak aku balek kl in..takper la, you have to lose some things to get something in return right...so, aku just go with the floww, do what i'm suppose to do...insyAllah sumer ok kot nt....:)

So, aku da beli a few stuff da. bende2 besar la. for the time being, maybe nak tgk2 dulu barang2. maybe clothing and other stuff. Oh. excited sungguh. I just hope that everything will run well.

fuh.fuh.habuk tebal

2009-11-23T13:57:00.002+08:00

dah berhabuk blog takder update..
it's not that I didn't have things to share and say. berlambak tapi takder time nak blurt things out.

it's been awhile since the exam passed. gelabah tak ingat walaupon da dekat sebulan exam abes.

semalam, daku gi jume madam ruth kat the gardens. sesi pemberian passport yang aku dengan senang hatinyer bawak balek ari jumaat lepas. patutnyer pasport tuh tinggal kat kuching jer sbb lecturer nak g singapore apply visa untuk kami2 yang baek ni. itulah gamaknyer...tp smlam da setel da la sumernyer.

anyways, disebabkan aku nak balek awal sangat. oramg laen balek sabtu and ahaad,aku jer sorang dok gatal nak balek jumaat, bnyak sgt la prob yang jadi.

1) bank draft kene wat ari tuh jugak
2) uncle kim datang lambat
3) lugage excess dekat 10 kg walaupon limit 25 kg
4) hp tader battery
5) terbawak balek passport
6) salah isi borang visa. thanks to nas, visa aku berjaye diselamatkan :)

at around 12 tadi aku received a short message from mdm ruth saying:

"congrats!u passed. but u need to do a very important document. will talk to you over phone. everybody needs to do a police report urgently to apply visa..."

hati girang!

betol ke kau ni saudare Islam aku?

2009-10-23T18:07:00.003+08:00

aku tader la baek sangat nak cakap pasal bende ni, tapi aku raser aku kene tulis bende ni untuk tatapan diri sendiri, and lebih bagus dan berpahala bagi aku, kalau hasil tulisan aku ni, dapat jadi pedoman dan teladan untuk orang laen.

memang Malaysia ni, kat ceruk mane ko blajar pon, there will be a muslim crowd, tak 2 orang, sorang la paling skit. and with the existance of this crowd, comes also the responsibilities of being a muslim.

Rasulallah pernah bersabda,
Barang siapa yang tidur nyenyak dan tidak mengambil peduli urusan umat Islam lain, maka ia bukanlah dari golongan mereka.

maksudnyer, tak cukup kalau ko sorang je muslim, sedangkan orang sekeliling ko tak amik peduli. memang tanggungjawab kite, sbb da bersaudara, untuk saling sama2 ingat-mengingati about both kehidupan didunia dan diakhirat. apatha lagi kalau kite da bershaabat baek, satu same laen. tanggungjawab macam tanggungjawab berkomuniti la jugak. contohnyer: you're sharing the toilet with the other 30 occupants of your hostel. mestila nak kene jage kebersihan, jangan tinggal bnde2 yang tak patut, jangan la over sangat gune shower, jangan bazir2 air sbb ni sumer harta yang dikongsi bersama.

Yang laennyer, dengan agame is that, ko memang tak share kubur, tapi nanti akan kene tanyer, ape ko dah buat untuk saudara ko? ape ko da buat untuk agame ko?

kalau your life has truly been about saving your own ass, memang kene la kan. sbb tanggungjawab kite adalah untuk amar ma'aruf nahi mungkar.

memang orang cakap susah la nak amar ma'aruf nahi mungkar ngan orang laen. but really, it can be as little as suruh potong kuku. tak semestinyer nak kene ketuk pintu dari rumah2 ke rumah ajak solat kat masjid.

again aku nak cakap, aku bukanlah baik. tapi aku sedang cube perbaiki diri aku yang agak teruk tika belasan tahun. ceewah!

sorry la kawan2, aku selalu tegur korang striaght jer. aku mengaku memang tak pandai nak beralas2 mulut ni kalau bab agame. Bukan niat nak kepochi, ataupon jeles, tapi aku sendiri memang nak make it clear that Islam da set rules yang cukup untuk kite. bende yang bleh dilonggarkan, dilonggarkan untuk kesenangan kite. and there are also reasons for things should remain the way they are. contohnyer, dah diterangkan trang tang tang, yang aurat laki lutut sampai pusat, ade jugelah yang pakai shorts. aku taknak tunding maner2 sbb kaum kerabat aku pon ade yang cmtuh, and da berbuih da ckp bende ni.

macam aku cakap tadi, tanggungjawab sebagai muslim tuh tetap ade. kalau ditanyer nanti, nak jawab ape? jadi sedar2 la tanggungjawab sendiri.

Aku miss solat magrib and isya' semalam. due to exhaustion yang melampau, aku tido dari 5.30pm lpas solat asar smpai 5.00 am the following day. bangun2 memang raser berdose rase nak nanges la. bukan tak wat alarm. (tapi kan aku da cakap, fon aku da bengong!)...

tapi aku tak salahkan roomate tercinta aku. kenape? sebab dier non-muslim! takkan nak kjut aku solat plak, aku naek malu nanti...but anyhow, aku tak salahkan sape la aku burn solat semalam, salah aku jgk tak cari handphone baru. cewaah! alasan. cis.

so daripade aku yang tak berape nak baek ni, marilah kite same2 menjlnkan tanggungjwb masing2 sbgai seorang muslim akhir zaman yang berlumba-lumba kearah kebaikan. insyAllah. :)

"Kau rase kite fly tak?"

2009-10-21T17:57:00.003+08:00

Lately, budak2 dok cakap2

"Ko rase kite fly tak?"

Muahahahhah :P

insyAllah, lecturer dah gi wat visa, umah pon tgh in process of booking. dapat ler kot. on one condition, kene la pass with flying colours finals ni. aku exam 2 paper jer kali ni, tapi killer punyer. English language teaching ngan Literature. Susah la bagi aku ngan kwn2 aku.

bak kate Mdme. Angie "Don't give them reasons to not let you in,"

so basically, Im reading Pride and prejudice for stress at the moment. because exam is like less than 2 weeks. not that I haven't read it before, I definitely have. dozens of times. sebab aku suke novel ni. but to tell you the truth, aku bukanlah orang yg particular sgt pasal details in books. maksudnyer, aku bace and bace. tapi sebab aku ceeepat lupe, ni la prob dier. aku tak ngat details yg kecik2 pasal ape yang aku bace dalam 7 minit lalu. so sekarang ni, tengah membaca dengan iltizam, dengan harapan dapat score untuk finals nanti.

Wish me luck and jgn lupe doakan aku ok! Jom menuju kejayan B. Ed Tesol Otago cohort 1!

"Weyh, aku nak amik gambar atas rumput!"

top news of the hour

2009-10-16T22:29:00.005+08:00

we were in the tv room when diba told us about what she read in the newspapper recently.

about the earth quake in indonesia. there has been 3 quakes recently before today. in the news, it has stated that the actual time of the quakes. they are 17:58, 17:16 and 8:52. Ade ape dengan mase2 ni?...these times, when checked in the tafsir of Al-Quran as according to surahs and verses, leads us to verses which talks about the destruction of ummat.

"Dan tidak ada suatu negeri pun (yang durhaka penduduknya, melainkan Kami binasakannya sebelum Hari Kiamat atau Kami siksa (penduduknya) dengan siksa yang sangat keras. Yang demikian itu telah tertulis di dalam kitab. (Lauh Mahfuz)" -17:58
17, Surah Al-Isra'

"Dan jika Kami hendak membinasakan sesuatu negeri, maka Kami perintahkan kepada orang yang hidup mewah di negeri itu (agar mentaati Allah), tetapi bila mereka melakukan kedurhakaan di dalam (negeri) itu, maka sepantaslah berlakunya terhadapnya perkataan (hukuman Kami), kemudian Kami binasakan sama sekali (negeri itu)." -17:16
16, Surah Al-Isra'

"(Keadaan mereka) serupa dengan keadaan pengikut Fir'aun dan orang-orang sebelum mereka. Mereka mengingkari ayat2 Allah, maka Allah menyiksa mereka disebabkan oleh dosa-dosanya. Sungguh Allah Maha Kuat lagi sangat keras siksanya" -8:52
52, Surah Al-Anfal

After we were being told, immediately after that, the news on TV 3 announced the latest earth quake that happened today at 04:52. terus kitorang bukak tafsir balik.

"Mereka itulah orang-orang yang dilaknat Allah. Dan barang siapa yang dilaknat Allah, nescaya engkau tidak akan mendapatkan penolongan baginya." -4:52
52, Surha An-Nisa'

Naek bulu roma sampai kepale. So what do you think?

Petunjuk Allah ade dimane2. Al-Quran da beri bukti yang terang, sah lagi crystal. (apakah). nabi pon da cakap, semuanya da lg benderang diceritakan dulu..tpi kite manusia still lalai.

What would happen if the Resurrection day happens to be tonight, just before you have your godd nite sleep? Mampukah kite mase tuh nak persiapkan diri?

Therefore, berubahlah. Maseh ade mase. Kiamat tuh, Allah sahaja yang tahu. tapi that does not meani that we should just let it be. Memang hidayah Allah berikan kepada sesiapa yang dikehendaki. But, you've to think too that, Allah akan berikan hidayah kepade orang2 yang berusahe jugak because He too, wants to see us happy alongside his teachings.

takkan nak tunggu kene cam kat indon baru nak sedar?

Allah's everywhere. Carilah Dia, and cherish Him through the prayers and dua's and zikirs.

Another thing is, kalau ade maksiat dalam satu community tuh, Allah akan turunkan bala.not just onto those who commit the sins, but also to those "good" people in the community. Sekali lum sum. Sebab ape? those people did not play their role in stopping the maksiat from continuing. tak berusahe untuk stoppan maksiat tuh. That was what actually happened in Indon, I think. That it has become a nation that changes Islamic teachings completely. Mengubah agama Allah, kompem2 la Allah murka. So they have to face what they deserve from their own actions. too bad.

Sebab tuh la, kite wajib berdakwah. Amar ma'aruf,nahi mungkar. tak gune ade sorang jer baek dalam masyarakat. Selfish namenyer. The same goes to orang yang berusahe tapi, other people stil refuse to follow the real teachings of Islam. kene usahe lebey sikit kan. Even time Rasulullah dulu pon, mule2 beliau ditentang habis habisan,tapi in the end, Alhamdulillah, look at where Islam is today.

Sorry la, aku memang suke membebel.

daku buhsan.

2009-10-12T16:50:00.004+08:00

1. rasa mcm nak beli turtle. sangat cute. geram
2. just bought a new book. a new book, for a new person. will give it when the right time comes.
3. and oh yeah, just got myself a new lappy.meet weewien mase raye arituh. orang shopping baju, aku laptop hunting!
........................

p/s: selamber je aku ni. malam ni da la exam titas. bace pon tak abes.

jodoh yang terbaeeek

2009-10-07T11:25:00.009+08:00

Hello again. Baru jer wat entry pasal my BFF which is the one before this post.

Lately, I've not been consistent in the amalans that I've been doing over 2 months before. the inconsistency is very severe that I feel very different now. sedeyh pon ade, but insyAlllah after the assignments are handed in this friday, which means, I am free, free,free from the torture of the assignments, I will start to continue and catch up what I have left behind for almost a week.

It'll be an outright lie if one says that he or she never talks or even thinks about getting married. memang tipu gile la kan.

So, lately, memang asyik fikir pasal kawen la kan. (memang gatal, but it's normal for girls in the twenties to be having this kind of thoughts. haha). Bile fikir2 balek, Ya Rabbi, da besor panjang da sebenarnyer. Mom always say that " Mama umor macam awak ni, da keje da ". Well, mom, memang wani tgh keje pon, still in training jer. :)

Ok. its normal for us to have some kind of expectation of how we want out future spuse to be. Typical girls would want tall dark and handsome . Normal la kan.

"Aku nak tinggi la kan, sebab aku pon tak berape nak tinggi"

"Aku nak muke cam Remy Ishak. Gelap2 sikit. Cam Ken***y tuh la best. Macho tuh, gelap2, muke masculine. Jambu2 ni, kureng skit"

"Meet my future husband, Jesse McCartney!" -sungguh tak bleh blah. :))

"Aku nak orang yang scholar petronas, keje kat KLCC.hehe. Kalau dpt bonus setengah tahun, almost rm30 k tuh. feh feh feh..."

however, we've to always bear in mind that we are not always in control of things. for example, the dreams of haveing those A++ qualities in our future husbands. In fact, people said, the more you want something, the further you'll be from it. So, the best thing is to pray for the best. Minta dikurniakan yang terbaek untuk diri for only He knows what is best for us.

Yela, kadang2 those good looking man pon banyak probnyer. Because they are good looking, there will be people who will be jealous of the marriage that you guys will be having. Karang ade la probnyer. Fitnah, frequent quarrels and sometimes, the marriage could also leads to separation, walaupon baru jer kawen. Susah dowh.

But this does not mean that not-so good looking guys are all nice and good...ade jugak la yang gatal tak bleh blah, mate kernajang and pantang nmpak perempuan terus nak naek daun. And this does not also means that all handsome guys gatal. It all comes back to their Iman.

I believe that, wherever we go, we will always return to our root, our religion. And I strongly believe that when the root is strong, insyAllah everyhting will be fine. Smooth.

But to find these people of good roots, os another big problem.

the other day dibah told me about to Hafiz-s who are hired to be the Imams during the Ramadhan. Hafiz A was a responsible young man who did his job. Hafiz B on the other hand, only came and did his job on the first 2 weeks of ramadhan. So,when the pay day reached, Hafiz A was paid rm1000, while Hafiz B was only paid rm500.

tersebutla kesah, these two Hafizs live under one roof. And on the last day when they were leaving, Hafiz left the house first, followed by Hafiz A. When Hafiz A reached home, he was very excited to show his mother the money that he has gotten from his first job. Tengok2, bukak2 beg, the money was gone. Being suspicious to Hafiz B, Hafiz A tried calling him several times to ask him about the money. However, he was totally M.I.A.

Moral of the story, tak sumer yang ader basic agama ni baek. Bak kate dibah, lately, being a Hafiz these days is not anymore Lillahi ta'ala. Instead it has become a trend who knows where it come from. Astaghfirullah hal'azim.

Jadi, nak cari jodoh, the best way is to refer to your parents. Kalau ade yang nak masuk merisik, eloklah refer tros kat mak. InsyaAllah, everything will be ok. And if it doesn't, always remember that Allah has His plans lined up for us. Yang kita sangka buruk, mungkin is the best for us.

Wallahu'alam

Either way, always pray for the best for He listens to everything that we say. InsyAllah akan diperkenankan. Ameen.

atiqah ruhaizad

2009-10-07T10:57:00.004+08:00

I have been very, very, very busy lately. I bet you all knew this from the spiders I've reared for since after raya. horrible. horrible. actually, after eid,when I got back to Kuching, I was to hand in almost 7 assgmnets on the following week. But, Allah has been very kind, ade lecturer yang kasi extension for the assignments. So here I am, doin my assignment.

After numbers of sleepless nights, tinggal dua assignment jer yang tinggal. Alhamdulillah. and those two assignments are to be handed in this friday. Ade mase lg. :)

But anyways, last night was the worst. Tak tido is one thing, the other thing was this morning, I was like totally dysfunctional. Felik jugak sbb, it's not like I've never miss my sleep pon. Oh, maybe because yesterday I went out with riby. Oh, yeah again, yesterday was riby's birthday!

Happy Birthday sayang

Best jugak jalan semalam even though balek hostel wat keje cam nak **** jer..

But anyways, happy 20th birthday, may the coming years be more fulfilling and memorable

Nurul Atiqah Binti Ruhaizad

*seindah hiasan adalah wainta solehah*

Raye budak KL

2009-09-24T01:09:00.002+08:00

this raya is not what I have expected. I mean, I did expect for it to be like waaaaaaay boring, but not as BBBOOORRRIIINGGG as this! Memang tak raye pon sebenanyer, in fact, if it wasn't for Jalan Tar and Angah's rendang, it wouldn't feel like raya at all. Memang tader langsung.

1st day of raya:
was at home, a lot of TV-watching, went to Mak Lang's place.

2nd day of raya:
a lot of TV-watching;again, went for a movie, The Curve

3rd day of raya:
tengok tv lagiiiii, went to Sunway Pyramid, bowling, shopping...blablabla

4th day of raya:
had fever early in the morning, ok when it was almost petang, off to KLIA menghantar amirul who was leaving for russia, then mamak kejap..

5th day of raya:
which is now. Buat ape sekarang? ...Arini nak wat makan2. tapi petang skit. jemput dataaaaang, agar dapat menghilangkan my ultimate raya boredom... ok geng?

Changes, Ramadhan and Grief.

2009-09-16T19:37:00.006+08:00

Kali ni memang reall nyer sdeyh. Teramat-amat sedeh patik kali ni. Nak menyatakan hasrat hati, tak kesampaian atas sebab2 tertentu. Inilah kelemahan seorang perempuan.

Normally, after finishing the tarawikh and before performing the witirs, we would have a tzkirah session, normally given by the imam of the day. Yesterday, a good firnd of mine was the imam and he had given a very good tazkirah.

Pasal Ramdhan yang nak melangkah meninggalkan kita ni.

I don't remember what he had said, but I remember it being about how we should do'a that all our ibadah will be accepted by Him, that we should follow the anbia's footsteps of doa-ing even after Ramadhan ends that our ibadah will be accepted by Him. Sebab bulan Ramadhan ni kan bulan yang penuh barakath, baaanyak pahala yang kite boleh dapat through the little things that we do everyday within this month.

Teringat jugak Shaufi did say about kite sbagai manusia kene selalu beringat yang ibadah dalam bulan2 laen pon patut diteruskan sebagaimana kita telah beribadat pada bulan Ramadhan. That semua kebaikan yang kita lakukan pada bulan ni, semua perubahan ke arah kebaikan yang telah dimulakan pada bulan ini, perlulah diteruskan. *peringatan untuk diri sendiri*. Bila kita berubah ke arah kebaikan, berusaha untuk berubah kearah kebaikan, melawan hawa nafsu dan pandangan orang sekeliling yang senget tuh, sebernanya, kita sedang berjihad ke jalan Allah. Dan, insyAllah, jalan jihad itu akan mudah. Ameen.

I think I've gotten loads of things since the beginning of Ramadhan. Tak tahu macam maner Ia datang, tapi yang pasti, ia adalah dari Allah. For He gives to whoever that He wants, whenever He wants it.

Alhamdullilah, setakat ni, I still manage to comprehend the changes that I've decided to take on. And Alhamdulliah, memang ade ketenangan disebalik semua ni. Segala puji bagi Allah yang memberi kelapangan kepada hati dan minda.

Memang Ramadhan kali ni, is more fulfilling in comparison to the ones that I've had before. Again, praise to Allah. Syukur!

another 4 days, and there goes Ramadhan. jadi, manfaatkanlah the final days we have left. Kalau boleh tarawikh, pegi la k. Kalau boleh puasa, puasa lah. Kalau boleh membaca Al-quran, maka bacalah.

We do not know whether or not we're able to meet Ramadhan again. Tak tahu sama ada, this time of the year again next year, we will have Ramadhan. Jadi manfaatkanlah hadiah ramadhan Allah ni kepada kita. Walaupon ia sudah pon nak berakhir, there's still time.

Aku pon bukan baek sangat. Tapi kalau boleh, nak masuk golongan yang baek. Nak berusaha jadi yang baek, sebab ini pon jihad jugak. Memang susah, tak senang BUT what is exactly easy in this world kan? However, believe in Him, that He would make things easier, that even if it is hard, the journye is tough and full of Hantus, it will, in the end, get easier and less painful. No, not less painful, it'll be as sweet as sugar or even sweeter. Ganjaran Allah yang tiada tolak bandingnya.

Semoga kita mendapat hidayah, ianayah dan barakath bulan Ramadhan. Ameen.

membebel and blabbering

2009-09-15T06:49:00.003+08:00

In the name of Allah the most gracious, the merciful.

I enjoy blabbering.

Little that we know that one day,
that one very day
we will feel lost.
Not because we are in the middle of nowhere.
but the fact that we do not have the answer
of how the heck we end up being at the place where we are at that very moment.

You do not have the guts to let go,
because again,
you're too chicken that you wouldn't have anyone to catch you when you fall
But that is just what you think.
Not others.
Anyhow, it's not like you're going to hold it for more than 5 minutes anyway
(even if you do want it be longer, somehow, it doesnt feel like it's going to happen. pathetic sungguh!)
so just let go.

.....

I' received a message from a senior of mine maser kat SEMESTI.
It was a message of encouragement and motivatioand congratulation.
All 3 in 1.
Which has made time waaaaay positive that
I've made the right choice,
I've chosen the right path for myself.

ZERO regrets!

Kenape tak takut?

2009-09-11T13:09:00.003+08:00

In the name of Allah,

I dont know whether you guys notice this, but we very oftenly, get scared of things. ade yang scared of the dark, ade yang scared of frogs, ade yang scared of lightnings and rains and ade jugak yang cuak bile lecturer tanyer soklan. Sampai ade yang dok ketaq lutut.

Ade perasan x?

Kadang2, ade yang to the extent of terkencing sluar, menipu and even asking other people to lie for us. Sanggup libatkan orang laen untuk save your own ass.

Within 5 months, insyAllah, I would be flying over to NZ and for me, that's scary. No no, not the flying part, the part where I've to be in a totally different environment, where the major population is not from my tanah tumpah darahku, Malaysia.

The day before yesterday, we had a class meeting with one of the lecturer from our uni, nicola. And everyone was like asking all sorts of questions about the uni and otago, the country town itself. Many interestung questions were posted and we received even more interesting answers from her.

(Just an info, Otago has one of the steepest road in the world, which makes the town, one of the steepest too. Just imagine how the flats there look like. this doesnt have anything to do with the post ok.)

Then, when I told a person about this, about how scared I am and how bad it will be when I'm there, that person said,

" Jangan la takut. Kalau pandai jage diri, insyAllah semua akan ok. Takut tu hanya untuk Allah jer..."

After I got this reply, terdiam terus. Tak pernak terfikir pon ape yang saudara ni fikir. Memang takut dengan Allah, tapi tak pernah nak fikir in the way he does. I guess what I'm trying to say here is only Allah deserves the word 'takut' and any other words that have the same meaning. And that we shouldn't associate the word to any other creature of His.

Bile manusie da takut, we tend to resort to all sorts of things. Ade yang -ve, ade yang +ve. Sekarang nak cite yang -ve tuh. Sungguh, memang kite tak ingat or even fikir that we are being watched everyday, every second without fail. Padahal, our life is being recorded. Something like video camera, but it's more sophisticated.

Kenape kite still buat bende2 ni kalau kite da taw salah?
Kenape kite still buat bende2 ni kalau kite taw Allah is watching?

One definite answer.

Kite tak takut dengan Allah.

Kenape tak takut?

Sebaba kite tak nampak Allah. Sebab dose pahale tak nampak. Sebab ganjaran hukuman Allah tak dapat terus. Padahal ni sumer Rukun Iman. Percaya kepada Allah, Percaya kepada perkara2 ghaib.

Bile kite tak percaye rukun iman, what does it make us? I leave that to you to ponder.

The third week of ramadhan

2009-09-11T12:17:00.005+08:00

Althought several assignment have been sent last week, there are 2 left and those 2 need to be handed in next week. sigek monday, sigek gik friday kot. (pandei x kmk klaka? :))

Intially, at the beginning of the week, I was really, really not at ease. somehow, tak sedap hati yang melampau.

But as things progress, I managed to spill those beans that had almost grow inside of me to the persons related. And so, the prob was solved. :))

Sedar tak seadr, we are almost reaching the end of Ramadhan. Harini da the 21 hari puasa, and Alhamdulillah, setakat ni masih full lagi puasa. Tak dapat nak gambarkan betape happy-nyer dapat pose full.

As I expected, Ramadhan kali ni memang diff than the previous ones that I've gone through. Somehow, it is more fulfiling, more meaningful. Mama's absence has definitely leave some marks but, I am still able to continue college life as usual. Maybe du'a mama kat Tanah Suci termakbul kot. Untuk semua anak2Nya jadi anak yang soleh. Ameen. :)

ape la significant pics ni? saye pon tak taw

breaking point.

2009-09-08T07:16:00.001+08:00

Sudah setengah hari kulewati dengan begini - kakiku terlipat sehingga lutut ini menyentuh daguku. Sekuat tenaga kubenamkan wajahku diantara tangan dan kakiku. Tanganku semakin dingin dan getaran sedari tadi tak juga berhenti.

Entah berapa banyak air mata yang kukeluarkan sejak tadi. Isak tangis pun parau bukannya berhenti tapi semakin menjadi. Sesekali kupandangi layar handphone yang tergeletak di dekat kakiku. Pandanganku kabur namun jelas tak ada sms ataupun telepon yang masuk.Bagaimana ada orang setega dirinya? Mengapa ada orang bodoh yang rela menangisinya?

p/s: are you kidding me? this isn't mine. got it somewhere from the net.

at 2.54 a.m on cass's birthday!

2009-09-03T02:46:00.004+08:00

Bismillah hirrahman nirrahim.

...........

Happy birthday, roomate!

One more year of exictance down the drain!

Happy getting old, Cassie!

...........

look at the time. sangat lambat.

at the moment, im doing my assignment with nas. and for a break, (and to keep me awake), i decided to eat maggi. yes. memang da craving pon. lame dah. and yes, mcm tak tidur la malam ni kan...

that's all. berhabuk blog tak update dkat smggu.

tunggu jap yer. I've loads of assignments to be handed in in these 2 weeks. tunggu jap jer, and I have loads of stuff to tell.

including the story about my big boss. major problem with the big boss. hugantic.

Salam Ramadhan!
Fiamanalillah. :)

Solat & Puasa

2009-08-25T10:02:00.003+08:00

This issue occured to me after I visited sis Raihan's FB.

"Kenape ade muslimin dan muslimat yang puasa but does not perform the 5 daily prayers in the month of Ramadhan ".

Something for us to ponder. Im not saying that we should judge people, but it's just something that I think never occured to our minds.

Solat kewajipan yang pertama. Rukun Islam yang pertama. Which should be performed everyday, without exceptions- except for the ladies la kan. To the sick, Allah dah permudahkan kehidupan kite. Rukhsah solat. Boleh duduk, boleh baring.

But somehow, when Ramadhan arrives, everyone's like soooo bising about fasting, tapi solat ditnggal2kan.. Memang puasa is one of the 5 pillars of Islam, tapi, kite kene ingat, dalam mase kte puase tuh, kite kene solat. Solat kan dah diwajibkan. Year round.

Bulan puasa ni adalah bulan yang terbaik. Semua kebaikan boleh dimulakan dalam bulan ni, dari sekecil-kecil zarah. InsyAllah, kalau niat baik, Allah akan tolong. Cepat dipermudahkan segala sesuatu yang kite ingat susah. Jadi, berniatlah dan berubahlah untuk sesuatu yang lebih baik. Bermula dengan Ramadhan ini. Maseh ade kesempatan lagi. InsyAllah, akan di permudahkan.

إِنَّ اللَّهَ لاَ يُغَيِّرُ مَا بِقَوْمٍ حَتَّى يُغَيِّرُوا مَا بِأَنفُسِهِمْ
"Surely Allåh changes not the condition of a people, until they change their own condition."

chunks from Al-Ra'd:11

Pemilik cinta - Fatimah Syarha

2009-08-24T14:00:00.006+08:00

Yesterday, went ot midV with angah. Just to lepka2 and get the problem off our minds. Then, I remember a friend asking me to find a book for him. So, to MPH i head. -macam yoda.

Before I talk about the book, let me first talk about the writer. Since she's a friend of my sister, my sister got some insides about her.

Beliau memang dibesarkan dalam family yang bagus2. Maybe that's why she is who she is today.

One of her friends once said that, dulu maser skola, dier sangat menjge her interaction with her classmates. Males especially. Kalau bdk2 yang agak social, beliau akan approach dengan perwatakan yang palng lembut walaupon she knows that she wouldnt get the same treatment in return. Beliau sangat lemah lembut. Bukan sekadar di skolah, di matrix and U pon same.

In short, she is an idol of a real muslimah. Sebab tuh jugak a agaknyer, she has been given a gift from Allah, a good husband and kemanisan hidup berumah tangga. Bacalh buku ni k. Highly recommended.

Harapan Ramadhan

2009-08-21T06:10:00.004+08:00

Bismillah hirrahman nirrahim.

Yaa Allah

Jadikanlah puasaku sebagai puasa orang-orang yang benar-benar berpuasa. Dan ibadah malamku sebagai ibadah orang-orang yang benar-benar melakukan ibadah malam. Dan jagalah aku dari tidurnya orang-orang yang lalai. Hapuskanlah dosaku ... Wahai Tuhan sekalian alam, ampunilah aku, Wahai Pengampun pembuat dosa.

Yaa Allah

Hiasilah diriku dengan penutup dan kesucian. Tutupilah diriku dengan pakaian qana'ah dan kerelaan. Tempatkanlah aku di atas jalan keadilan dan sikap tulus. Amankanlah diriku dari setiap yang aku takuti dengan penjagaan-MU, Wahai penjaga orang-orang yang takut.

Yaa Allah

Berikanlah kekuatan kepadaku, untuk menegakkan perintah-perintah-MU, dan berilah aku manisnya berzikir mengingat-MU. Berilah aku kekuatan untuk menunaikan syukur kepada-MU, dengan kemuliaan- MU. Dan jagalah aku dengan penjagaan-MU dan perlindungan-MU, Wahai dzat Yang Maha Melihat.

Yaa Allah

Janganlah Engkau hinakan aku kerana perbuatan maksiat terhadap-MU, dan janganlah Engkau pukul aku dengan balasan-MU. Jauhkanlah aku dari hal-hal yang dapat menyebabkan kemurkaan-MU, dengan anugerah dan bantuan-MU, Wahai puncak keinginan orang-orang yang berkeinginan!

Yaa Allah

Sediakanlah untukku sebahagian dri rahmat-MU yang luas, dan berikanlah aku petunjuk kepada ajaran- ajaran-MU yang terang, dan bimbinglah aku menuju kepada kerelaan-MU yang penuh dengan kecintaan-MU, Wahai harapan orang-orang yang rindu.

Yaa Allah

Bukakanlah bagiku pintu-pintu sorga dan tutupkanlah bagiku pintu-pintu neraka, dan berikanlah kemampuan padaku untuk membaca AI-Quran Wahai Penurun ketenangan di dalam hati orang-orang Mu'min.

Yaa Allah

Rezekikanlah kepadaku keutamaan Lailatul Qadr, dan ubahlah perkara-perkaraku yang sulit mnjadi mudah. Terimalah permintaan maafku, dan hapuskanlah dosa dan kesalahanku, Wahai Yang Maha Penyayang terhadap hamba- hambanya yang soleh.

Yaa Allah

Sucikanlah aku dari dosa-dosa, dan bersihkanlah diriku dari segala aib. Tanamkanlah
ketaqwaan di dalam hatiku, Wahai Penghapus kesalahan onang-orang yang berdosa.

Yaa Allah

Jadikanlah puasaku disertai dengan syukur dan penerima di atas jalan keredhaan-MU dan keredhaan Rasul. Cabang-cabangnya kokoh dan kuat berkat pokok-pokoknya, Demi kenabian Mohammad dan keluarganya yang suci, dan segala puji bagi Allah Tuhan sekalian alam.

Yaa Allah,

Permudahkan segala urusan ibuku untuk bertemu denganMu. Aku mohon agar engkau merahmati segala urusan inuku di tanah suci Mu. Jangan Engaku biarkan nasib kami ditentukan oleh diri maki sendiri. Sebaliknya, Engkau tunjukkan dan bawalah kami ke jalan keredhaanMu.

Amin Yaa Rabbal 'Alamin!

p/s: It has only been a day, no less than a day, da rindu. :(

Pep talk for Ramadhan

2009-08-19T18:40:00.005+08:00

In the name of Lord, The Most Gracious, The Most Merciful.

Just want to share the little bit of ilmu I have. Tazkirah kecil.

Bukanlah puasa itu (hanya) menahan diri dari makan dan minum. Sebaliknya ia juga harus tertahan dari perkara lagha dan lucah. Apabila kamu dimaki atau diperbodohkan, berkatalah "AKU BERPUASA".

(riwayat Ibn Khuzaimah dan al-Hakim / Sahih al-Targhib 1068)

I just want to wish everyone, Selamat Menyambut Ramadhan!

Ramadhan is getting very close. Bulan yang ditunggu-tunggu has finally arrived! :)
Somehow, I get very excited when talking about Ramadhan. Even though mama wouldnt be in My for the whole month and the first days of raya, I think everything would turn out well. Mama, insyAllah will be ok there with Auntie Husna and my sisters and my BIG bro and I myself will be ok jugak kot. that's the spirit!

Banyak azam nak ditunaikan ni. Frankly, I've never really had any azam for the previous Ramadhans. Tapi tahun ni, tetibe jer ade azam. Maturity comes and so does those enthusiasm. :)

Anyways, I've been reading Saifulislam's blog recently. Banyak nasihat semperna Ramadhan ni. Untuk kawan-kawan yang still blum ready for ramadhan, why don't you read his blog to make urself ready physically and mentally.

Lately, I have lost the tranquility, the peacefulness I used to have before. Maknanyer da lalai la ni! I've to get back on track. Ingatla,

Jika engkau mencintai bunga

Sedarlah engkau bunga itu akan layu

Jika engkau cintakan manusia

Sedarlah suatu hari dia akan pergi

Jika engkau mencintai harta

Harta itu nanti kau akan tinggalkan

Jika engkau cintakan Ilahi

Hanya Dia akan kekal abadi.

-credit to Soutul Wardah-

Ingatan kepada diri sendiri,

Submission to Him is no.1
The others can come after that.

School isn't that bad :)

2009-08-18T04:30:00.003+08:00

St. Thomas's Primary School.

An all-boys school.

The boys were noisy but it was a really great experience.

See you boys in 3 years time!

I feel...

2009-08-15T16:23:00.002+08:00

Lately I've been having this feeling. Susah nak describe cmner cause I have been looking for the correct adj for it, but there seemed to be none. In the end, I just ignore the whole thing by doing something else. But at times like this, bile teringat balek bende2 cmtuh, those feeling sort of like flew back to me. Like now.

*One message received*

"Boss.."

Then those feelings, which have lingered for quite a while, somewhat disappeared.

A change can be felt to have taken place.

Bukan sayang
Bukan la suke.

Something else.

Is it anger?
Is it suspicion?

Susah nak interpret or find words suitable for it. All I can say is that, it is something unpleasant.

Let these feelings return to where it should be.

Current readings.

2009-08-14T23:52:00.003+08:00

Khalid Memburu Syahid - Abdul Latip Talib

I know this much true - Wally Lamb

Tunggu Teduh Dulu - Faisal Tehrani

Im finishing the 1st by this week, the 2nd one maybe in mid sept and will only start the 3rd one after finishing the first two. tak sabar nak bace the third one! (walaupon assignment banyak menggunung) :))

Looking for the sun, I found my pelangi.

2009-08-11T15:41:00.005+08:00

Kadang2 Allah sembunyikan matahari dan datangkan petir dan kilat. Kite tertanye-tanye kemane hilangnyer matahati. Rupe-rupenyer, Allah memberi kite pelangi.

Kite selalu ingat Allah sembunyikan matahari sebab Allah tak sayang kite. Kite ngat Allah nak beri kesusahan kepade kite. Dalam pada masa tu, kite pun selalu fikir the loss that we'll be facing due to the ketiadaan matahari.

"Alamak, ujan la. Tak dapat nak maen bola ptg ni"

"Aduhai, ujan le pulak. Abes baju tak kering"

"Apekah la ujan tetibe ni?...Cmner aku nak balek umah ni?"

Kite banyaaak sangat nak cakap bile something changes. Most of the time, kite merungut. Criticize every chance we have about almost everything. Walaupon kite taw change is inevitable, we still have things to say about it even though we know that it wouldnt bring any good to us. Bawak keburukan ade la.

Padahal, Allah sembunyikan matahari untuk beri kita pelangi.

Have you ever give a thought about rainbow?

For me, bile ade pelangi, everyone can see it's beauty.The beauty of all the 7 colours. In other words, His creation can be shared by everyone. Semua makhluk boleh tgk betape indahnyer ciptaanNya.

One more thing, beauty kan represents happiness. Memang fitrah manusia mencari yang cantik. And also, memang fitrah manusia, bila da dapat ape yang dicitakan, kite akan happy. As mentioned before, kan pelangi ni cantik. So, memang significant la analogy yang selalu di cakap2 ni.

Pelangi --> cantik--> happiness :)

Matahari is seen as the source of heat, light. Memang kite bnyak rely on the sun to get things going. Matahari ni macam a symbol of hardwork. It shines continuosly. Takder pon nak stop2, nak break2. Macam kite jugak la, life as a human. Asyik busy sangat dengan sesuatu, smpai menjadi melupakan bende2 laen. Sampai tak nmapk bende laen. Bile kite da taksub dngn sesuatu, kite akan lupe kepadaNya.

Sebab tu, Allah datangkan kilat and petir yang menakutkan tuh.

Initially after the loss of the sun, petir, kilat, semuanya ade. Kesusahan dan kesedihan yang tak tergambar. Rasa putus asa yang sangat menebal dalam diri. Tapi mase ni la is the most crucial time. Mase Allah nak uji umatNya.

After those hardships, He brings us the rainbow. Something very pleasant. Something for us to be happy about. Allah tak nak kite sedih, Dia hanya nak uji makhlukNya. :)

Sangat berkesan analogy ni.

Jane: a contexual story.

2009-08-02T07:08:00.003+08:00

A girl prayed to God, asking for a candy bar. She said,

" Dear Lord, please reward me a candy bar. Mommy doesn't allow me to eat candy anymore, and I can only ask from you. Please give me one. I have behaved very well for the past weeks. Please God".

A few days later, out of the blue, a man came ot the house, delivering a hamper to the girl named Jane of winning a competition she entered on the net. She was soo happy, because the hamper is made of all sorts of candy. There were chocolate bars, lollypops, jelly beans and many more.

However, Jane's mom did not allow her to eat any of the candy because she has already has a number of cavities. Jane was so devastated and did not know what to do.

She keep reminding herself that she has 2 options; whether to sneak the candies or to follow what her mommy said.

What would you do?

God has definitely helped Jane, but due to certain circumstances, she is unable to eat the candies she wanted.

What should she do?

Should she just eat those candies or should she just listen to her mom?

Fra'aday

2009-07-31T15:54:00.005+08:00

Friday is my favourite day of the week.
It has nothing to do with the Quran verse below.
Just something I'd like to share :)

In the name of Allah, the most gracious, the most merciful.

15-مَن كَانَ يُرِيدُ الْحَيَوةَ الدُّنْيَا وَزِينَتَهَا نُوَفِّ إِلَيْهِمْ أَعْمَالَهُمْ فِيهَا وَهُمْ فِيهَا لاَ يُبْخَسُونَ

أُوْلَـئِكَ الَّذِينَ لَيْسَ لَهُمْ فِى الاٌّخِرَةِ إِلاَّ النَّارُ وَحَبِطَ مَا صَنَعُواْ فِيهَا وَبَاطِلٌ مَّا كَانُواْ يَعْمَلُونَ-16

Whosoever desires the life of the world and its glitter, to them We shall pay in full (the wages of) their deeds therein, and they will have no diminution therein.-15-

They are those for whom there is nothing in the Hereafter but Fire, and vain are the deeds they did therein. And of no effect is that which they used to do.-16-

Surah Hud: 15-16

The ultimate boredom.

2009-07-30T16:44:00.009+08:00

Do read the previous post, because it has something to do with this one.

mase birthday aritu

diba-yani-mai-riby

school interview

tsemin-wani-grace

debate dinner

makan banyak, cakap pon banyak

4points sheraton

the good old days at kinokuniya
;)

ni paling mahal sekali- kumpulan nasyeed tak indie
suhairi-diba-wani

Ni namenyer, sahangat boring. Bace lah previous post knp boring.

Btw, today only, as to now, petang, I have slept for about 4 hours, not including the ones I've had last night. Betape membuang masenyer, betape assignment tak siap, betape saye tader mood nak wat kije, betapa miserablenyer kehidupan ketika ini.

boooooooooooriiiiiiiing!

Mane taknyer, tak smpai an hour wat previous post, da ade post baru.

The Quarantine and the College

2009-07-30T16:03:00.004+08:00

Blablabla. Everyone's talking bout it already but I still wna tot talk about it too.

This post was written in the sengal + bengang mood, which results to a very dull post.

Kan da kene qurantine. Believe it or not, the college has announced that it will be closed/ shut down for one week. Ironically, it has came up with it's own definition of "qurantine".

They decided to qurantine EVERYONE staying in the college, which means, those who are living in the hostel. That we are not allowed to at all go out of the college compound, which also means that we've to 100% rely on the cafe food for a week. A week of 7 torturous days.

(cafe food = sucks)

But, lectures and classes are to continue as usual. PELIK. sebab, the lecturers are all staying outside. And of lectures are to continue, aren't prone to be infected too? Ke lecturers kebal?

One more thing, because lectures and classes are still going on (apakah la), they do not allow us to go back, unlike other ip-s and ipta-s around the nation. Lagi la sengal. At least, if they would allow us to go back, takderla kehidupan miserable camni.

See, pelik la college ni.

Dah la food in the mini pantry is detereorating. Maner nak cari food lapar ni. Cafe jauh, lagi limited, lagi tak sedap.

This is only day 2, and I already feel very, very tedious.

One step towards teaching.

2009-07-26T21:06:00.003+08:00

I just realized that my February-July 2008 posts aren't in my blog anymore.

Kemanakah? Adoi. Susahnyer...

Anyways, tomorrow's the first day at school. I am happy to say that I am EXTREMELY excited about it. Sangat2.

I'll be going to St. Thomas, which is one of the town school here in kuching. It's actually an all-boys school. Last froday we went tp check out the school. Since it's in the heart of Kuching, it's not very big,-it's so small that it doesn't even have a field. But,what it does have is a basketballcourt, which I am very ecstatic about. Sungguh excited lagi happy ni.

... It's funny when I read my posts on the first few months of being in this course. Banyak betul critiscism and dislikes yang telah dipaparkan melalui my previous posts. And, somehow, sekarang da sangat bersyukur and happy to be in this course. He has probably opened up my heart for this.

Even though it is not as grand as other people's field of work, it is still an important one. This might sound poyo, but I do want to be good in the things I do. hopefully, this is the right field to channel my 'inner strength' yang lame dah ter-kept, locked inside.

Man, my English is awful, so is my BM.

A glass of water

2009-07-25T07:55:00.002+08:00

A professor began his class by holding up a glass with some water in it.He held it up for all to see and asked the students, "How much do you think this glass weighs?"

"50 grams... 100 grams... 125 grams... ", the students answered.

"I really don’t know unless I weigh it, said the professor, but, my question is: What would happen if I held it up like this for a few minutes?"

"Nothing!", the students replied.

"Ok! What would happen if I held it up like this for an hour?",the professor asked.

"Your arm would begin to ache", said one of the students.

"You’re right, now what would happen if I held it for a day?"

"Your arm could go numb; you might have severe muscle stress and paralysis and have to go to hospital for sure!", ventured another student; and all the students laughed.

"Very good. But during all this, did the weight of the glass change?", asked the professor.

"No!" the students replied.

"Then what caused the arm ache and the muscle stress?", the students were puzzled.

"Put the glass down!", said one of the students.

“Exactly!” said the professor. "Life’s problems are something like this. Hold it for a few minutes in your head and they seem okay. Think of them for a long time and they begin to ache. Hold it even longer and they begin to paralyze you. You will not be able to do anything".

......
It's important to think of the challenges/problems in our life, but it is even more important to to trust in Allah.

Problems give us headaches and sometimes, cause us to dwell into intranquility. Therefore, in order for us to gain back the peacefullness that has lost (damai yang hilang, sgt kebetulan), which is by putting trust in Allah.Tranquility is sign of strong faith while worries and stress is sign of weak faith.

“He it is who sent down tranquility into the hearts of the believers that they might have more faith added to their faith.”

Qur'an, 48:4

Tell to your mind every day before you go to sleep:

“O soul that is at rest satisfied. Return to your Lord well-pleased (with Him), well-pleasing (Him). So, enter among My servants, and enter into my Paradise.” Qur’an 89:27-30

Don't turn your life into hell by worrying so much.

a short reminder for self.

2009-07-20T23:09:00.003+08:00

In the name of Allah the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful

Doomed are they who judge by conjecture. .8. who are deeply engrossed in ignorance and heedlessness. .9. They ask, "When will be the Day of Retribution?" It will be when they are punished at the Fire. .10. (It will , be said to them: ) "Now taste your mischief. .11. This is the same which you were seeking to be hastened. .12. The righteous, .13. however, shall be among gardens and water springs that Day, and shall be joyfully receiving what their Lord shall give them. .14. They were doers of good even before the coming of this Day: they slept but little in the night, .15. prayed for forgiveness in the early hours of dawn, .16. and in their possessions was a due share of him who asked and of him who was needy. .17.

Surah Adh-Dhariyat: 8-17

jom solat malam!

She and her stupid self

2009-07-16T20:26:00.004+08:00

CERITA TIADA BERKAITAN DENGAN HIDUP MAHUPUN MATI

All of her years, she knew herself. She knew who she was, her strengths and weaknesess. She had been in all sorts of situation and up untill last april, she had managed to get them under control. However, when something happened in mid april, she seemed to be all over the place. She seemed lost.

Of course the journey of the process was one hell of a good one, but she managed to put herself together after loads of failure. Later when it was near to the examination week, she started studying with her friends. Her friends were her companions, the place she shed her tears, their shoulders were hers when she needed them. Soon, she was able to smile and make goofy jokes again.

But that only happens when she is with her friends. Once the door was closed, so does the smile on her face. There was always tears, there was always frustration. And the examination was a few days away.

During the examination week, she thought that she could do all the paper. Not saying that she was able to answer all questions correctly, it's just that Alhamdulillah, she said, it was with the help from Him that she was able to recall all the things that she learnt during the lecture.

After the exam, the stream of tears reduced. From 2 pails to only 1 pail. Orang cakap, change is hard, but one can do it slowly, with time as an aqcuaintance. And so, she changed slowly.

.....................................

As the new semeter starts, she returned with a new spirit and new outlook on life. With the only aim in mind, she wishes to do well in her studies and be happy all the time. Because, elanor roosevelt once said, no one can make you feel inferior without your consent. and her sister said, no one has the right to make you feel sad except your mother because she's the one who has been working her guts out, to raise you up. Thus she returned, with her new self....and she got her results for the previous semester

The result of the exam:

As she had expected, it would be worst than her previous exam. even though she got just a little better than what she had expected, the result is still dissapointing.

And she pondered, why the hell did she let that stupid stuff get into her way?

Why did she ever think about those silly stuff, when her future is at stake?

How could she even dare to think that she should flunk the exam?

Didn't she think about her mom?

Unfortunately, sesal dahulu pendapatan, sesal kemudian tiada berguna. All that she can do is just dont look back and continue to look forward.

And as we walk, we must make pledge that we shall march ahead. We cannot turn back.

Martin Luther King

anger management: pekkk di dahi saye

2009-07-16T13:34:00.005+08:00

A hungry man is an angry man.
Life's toooo short to get angry all the time. Go out and find something to laugh about.

Very oftenly, we would choose to let our emotions take control. Like the control you have in your hands to hold the skipole so that you can balance yourself. so that you can push off the snow when skiing. that kind of control. Or like a car steering that controls the direction of the tires of the cars.

Be it happiness or sadness, or even hatred, we let it get into our head most of the time. The hatred, the loathe. Into our head.

Uncontrolled emotions vvery oftenly leads to uncontrolled actions/ tindakan luar kawal. Some may hit and kick the wall, while the other might choose to take those actions on another being.*violent*. Everyone has their own way of expressing themselves, of reacting to situations.

For myself, I don't really hit. Senang cakap, I am not the physical type. But, I might be very. very.very.very. very verbally abusive. Bukanlah lazer that type, but I have the ability to come up with different kinds of foul language. sungguh creative lagi innovative. (english only, melayu sangat kasar)

But that's not the real issue of the post. The issue is, on how we, frequently choose to get mad, choose the reason to get angry, and let the anger take us away, bringing us towards hatred. Towards that little world of detest.

Normally, people would feel soooo hard to forgive and forget. Sebenarnyer, bukan sush nak forgive, nak forget tuh yang susah kan. Orang jarang2 perasan yang dorg tak marah da sebenarnyer, tapi dorg continue to not speaking to that other person sebab teh inability to forget. In other words, berdendam.

This is the hardest thing to change within a being. Sebab itulah juge, it is one of the core of the pitfall of a society. Friends, family. Macam orang cakap "duri dalam daging".

Grudges would not end if, we ourselves do not want it to end. Macam kalo tak kasi peluang pon untuk dendam tuh ilang, cmner dier nak ilang kan? Omputeh cakap, " Where there's a will, there's a way". Maksudnyer, mun kitak sik ada ati mok berubah, sik apat la. mun ada, ada la. (naseb le kome).

Jadi,
bukalah hati-hati yang maseh tertutup tuh. Let's give ourselves a chance to be happy and to let go of the past. Kalo berdendam, mesti rase tak sedap hati. And bile berdendam, akan ade orang yang sdey sbb menerima musibah dendam tersebut... Takkan kite nak happy atas kesedihan orang laen kan?

Tawakal: Rahman's back!

2009-07-13T21:37:00.003+08:00

Alhamdullillah. Syukur.

Finally, a good friend of mine has returned to his old self, back again. ( ke aku jer raser dier laen??)Sangat bersyukur.

Maknenyer, Allah dah makbulkan my daily prayers for all my friends to be my friends forver. :)

Sometimes, I think, we human think too much, when all we should have done is to leave everything to Him. Initially, it was really2 hard for me to let things go between me and this very good friend of mine. The reason was because, he is one of my bestie. Sangat boleh dikatekan rapat yer. He's Mr. R. Kawan maser skolah yang stick smpai da abes skola. I knew him when the both of us were in the drama team. Sangat kelake.

Tuh la lu ni wani, pikir banyak sangat. Mamat tu lek jer, lu smpai pening2. chill suda~

So, I guess what I'm trying to say here is that, thank you dear Lord for everything that You have given me. From this moment onwards, I would really want to lean on You and let things go Your way- tawakal

bukak blog sendiri la wey!

2009-07-10T12:59:00.005+08:00

Kene sound tadi. Sebab comment kat page kak AF tadi. Oh. Dan oh lagi.

Scary? Check!

Pelik? Check!

I mean, it is a place to give comments kan?

Bleh plak sound gue kat situ. Bukan sekadar sound, marah la kirenyer. heh. Apakah la pakcik JOE tuh.

Takper2. We'll see how he replies after this kan.

Kakak saye pon tak marah, anda pule nak marah2 saya. Biar pon anda anak cikgu, your father or mother is still 1 or 2 out of thoussands of teachers taw. Biar pon your mom and dad take their job seriously and professionally, it is still 2 out of thousands of other teachers. So tak boleh nak tak side camtuh jer.

P/S: 1. I'm going to be a teacher in 3 years ye. So, should I take side on the teachers? Tak la! Kalo da salah, mana boleh mengaku betol.

2. Lu nak comment kat page akak wa, sound2 wa sampai akak wa pon trase. Sukasuki dier la nak tulis blog dier cmner, it's HER blog, HER thoughts, HER computer and SHE paid the electricity bill. So ape masalah lu?

3. Lu nak kutuk2 hebat, lu bukak blog sendiri la!

apakah?

2009-07-08T19:53:00.006+08:00

Well, this isn't how I picture my day would be. Sangat tidak.

The day started great with no class at all throughout the day.

Then, I decided to msg those 2 people, bearing in mind that if one of the 2, either one, replies first, he would be the IT. Yes2, I know. sungguh tiada releven. Sebab:

a) Orang A maseh di laut. Walaupon dier suda ade di perairan malaysia and he wakes up early, it would be impossible to get the msg. kot.

b) Orang B ade je kat daratan BUT he cannot be awake at such time. sangat impossible sbb dier memang tido siang. Mcm kelawar.

But, out of the 2, I really thought that the A person would be the one replying sbb smlm bleh jer msg. But, it was B who replied. So, yes, it was a surprise.

Ini yang first of the day.

Then, I did some stalking. yes, sungguh tidak matured lg, dan sangat menyerlahkan ketidak penerimaan kenyataan. Sigh.

Third, orang tuh call kasi taw bende yang tak best pulak. Well, bukan la tak best. It's actually neutral but, maybe because of my immaturity kot yang bende tuh jd tak best. Anyways, that person said, I shouldn't feel that way. I know that too. Tapi tak taw la, this feeling. It stays walaupon I've lepaked with friends and called home.

But I have decided on one thing though. Kalo boleh, I want to be dedicated to my job. Sebab the gov has decided to start teaching Math and Science in BM. AGAIN. I am really3x against this idea, sumer orang pon I think. Anyways, the gov too has good intentions to it. Yela, cikgu pon tak reti nak ajar, cmner nak ajar orang laen? For instance, the teacher can bearly speak and english and she only teaches the basic keywords of the topic to students. How can we expect students to answer those CCTS questions during exams? Eh, membebel plak. Nanti2 la cakap pasal issue ni. But yes, she changed my perception about teachers. Sebb teachers inefficiency in teaching la students are unable to perform. Sudah2, nanti wat post laen.

But anyways, I will be returning to KL this august. Over the weekend jer, sbb during the one-week hols, mom wouldnt be home and it may be possible that she will not be home pon during eid. Sangat sedih.

A moral lesson from the story of a donkey

2009-07-07T16:51:00.002+08:00

One day a farmer’s donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried piteously for hours as the
farmer tried to figure out what to do. Finally he decided the animal was old, and the well
needed to be covered up anyway; it just wasn’t worth it to retrieve the donkey. He invited all
his neighbors to come over and help him. They each grabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into the well.

At first, the donkey realized what was happening and cried horribly. Then, to everyone’s amazement, he quieted down. A few shovel loads later, the farmer looked down the well, and was astonished at what he saw.

As every shovel of dirt hit his back, the donkey did something amazing. He would shake it off and take a step up. As the farmer’s neighbors continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal,
he would shake it off and take a step up.

Pretty soon, everyone was amazed, as the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and trotted off.

The Moral: My dear friends, life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. The trick to getting out of the well is to shake it off and take a step up. Each of our troubles is a stepping stone. We can get out of the deepest wells just by not stopping, never giving up! Shake it off and take a step up! Never loose hope and place your complete 100% trust in Almighty God as shown in the following story. A true Muslim never gives up hope in the mercy of Allah (swt), because it is a sin.

“No affliction comes about but by Allah’s permission; and whoever believes in Allah,
He guides aright his heart; and Allah is Knower of all things.”
(Holy Qur’an 64:11)

visit to laila taib: how come I became so poyo

2009-07-04T22:47:00.007+08:00

Today we went to one of the local orphanage homes. We had sukaneka and some indoor games. Handling such event for the first time, of course various "problems" occured. But, all in all, I think, it was handled in a manner in which we could be proud of.

Sailu, Tsemin and I were assigned to babysit a team for the sukaneka. Our team's name was "spongebob". There were 5 boys and 5 girls, age ranges from 8-14.Even though it was just a half-a-day activity with them, it was very meaningful. Sangat seronot. I hope to see them again. I think they had fun too. Kot.

And today had made me realised how, there are so many unfortunate children out there. The incident that was very touching was when we were in the bus. Some of them, were sort of like running to the back gate just to wave goodbye to us. sedeyh gile.

Sangat ramai kanak-kanak yang dihantar ke rumah anak-anak yatim ni. Sebenarnya, most of them still have their parents, if not both, one of them. Sebab tak mampu la, dorang kene hanta dkat situ. Memang, if they are given choices, I think they would surely want to stay at home, tp tak sumer yang kite nak is the best for us kan.
Anyways, I think that it is a good thing that we came and visit them today. Orang cakap it's society's responsibility for those in need, but for me, it's not responsibility. It's more of like a family thingy. Maybe because I'me the youngest in the family that I feel attached to younger kids. The children need us. To give them support. and to tell them, that they matters as any other person the the society is. Haish. Poyo betul.

.adek2ku.

tag: after sometime

2009-07-01T06:56:00.002+08:00

Rules:It's harder than it looks! Copy to your own note, erase my answers, enter yours, and tag as many people as you like. Use the first letter of your name to answer each of the following questions. They have to be real. If the person before you had the same first initial, you must use different answers. You cannot use any word twice and you can't use your name for the boy/girl name question.

1. What is your name : Hazwani
2. A four Letter Word : Heck
3. A boy's Name : Hezri
4. A girl's Name : Helena
5. An occupation : Hacker
6. A color : Hazel
7. Something you'll wear: Heelss
9. A food : Honey
10. Something found in the bathroom: Hot water
11. A place : Holland
12. A reason for being late : preparing for HOSPITALITY
13. Something you'd shout : Hell yeah!
14. A movie title : Home Alone
15. Something you drink : Horlicks
16. A musical group : Handy Black
17. An animal : Horse
18. A street name : Hamilton St.
19. A type of car : Honda
20. The title of a song : Hella good

Tag:
wafa
amalina
rafid oh rafid
riby
kakakku afzan

sonnet of the semester.

2009-06-28T12:48:00.005+08:00

It's the first week of the new semester and this is the first sonnet that we learnt about.
Sedeh woooo.

Since there's no help, come let us kiss and part.
Nay, I have done, you get no more of me;
And I am glad, yea, glad with all my heart
That thus so cleanly I myself can free.
Shake hands forever, cancel our vows,
And when we meet at any time again,
Be it not seen in either of our brows
That we one jot of former love reatin.
Now at the last gasp of love's latest breath,
When, his pulse failing, passion speechless lies,
When faith is kneeling by his bed of death,
And innocenec is closing up his eyes:
Now, if thou wouldst, when all have given him over,
From death to life thous mightst him recover.

Michael Drayton (1562-1619)

Only fools rush in.

2009-06-18T18:33:00.003+08:00

Sometimes, it is very hard for us to know things. To know which one is right and which one isn't.

And most of the time, the best way to know, is to wait and be friends with time.

I am, not a patient person. It has not been my specialty ever since I was young. I remember during high school orientation, a few friends were quite late and having no other friends, I had to wait for them. The waiting, I tell you, was torchering.

But anyways, what I'm trying to say that, I am not a patient person. I find it very hard to just wait for time to pass when you can actually make the decision at the very moment.

People said, only fools rush in.And I don't want to be anyone's fool. So, I'm practising patience.

Plus, they said, just go with the flow. Just lie down, close your eyes and let the water brings you to where you should be.Sometimes, the water doesnt bring us to the place we want to be. That is when we open up our eyes, and see things from another view. another angle. another eye.

If you think that you're totally lost, think again because it ain't a bad situation after all. Because there is always a good part in everything that happens. Don't worry.

horoscope syirik yang sgt kebetulan.

2009-06-17T20:04:00.002+08:00

Step away from the crowd and be the first one to take a chance. The payoff is big.

After doing your best to hold a grudge -- something you've never, ever been any good at -- the peaceful mood of the heavens will be the last straw. You'll wake up ready to accept the apology and move on. A word of advice, though: Forgive, by all means, but if you were treated badly, don't feel bad if you aren't able to forget just yet. You have every right to expect your trust to be earned back.

Patut la aku tader prasaan gado smlm. Siap ade niat nak wat world war 3 plak. Heh. Riby, kan aku da cakap, bnde ni bnyak sgt ikot situation aku.

jauh perjalanan, penat berjalan.

2009-06-16T21:22:00.004+08:00

lepak arini sgtla syiok.

ader bad, emy, ngan ta.. ape ek name mamat lg sorg tuh aku tak engat. Last but not least, ili.

lepak2 dgn mamat2 sengal, and ili yang ckp non stop, memang entertaining la. Walaupon tader amik pic, sumer tetap best.

dari pelite, ampang point ke times square ke lowyatt.

naek cab, naek tren, naek cab, naek tren.

saye suke lagu lucky!

My tears and yours: it's purpose.

2009-06-11T09:25:00.004+08:00

What happens when you cry, exactly? A salty fluid chock full of protein, water, mucus and oil is released from the lacrimal gland in the upper, outer region of your eye. This fluid, better known as tears, then flows down the surface of your eye, across your face and smears your mascara.Of course, not all tears are of the emotional variety. In fact, three types of tears exist, all with different purposes.

Basal tears are omnipresent in our eyes. These constant tears are what keep our eyes from drying out completely. The human body produces an average of 5 to 10 ounces of basal tears each day. They drain through the nasal cavity, which is the reason so many of us develop runny noses after a good sobfest.

The second type is reflex tears, which serve to protect the human eye from harsh irritants such as smoke, onions or even a very strong, dusty wind. To accomplish this feat, the sensory nerves in your cornea communicate this irritation to your brain stem, which in turn sends hormones to the glands in the eyelids. These hormones cause the eyes to produce tears, effectively ridding them of the irritating substance.

The third type of tears is emotional tears. It all starts in the cerebrum where sadness is registered. The endocrine system is then triggered to release hormones to the ocular area, which then causes tears to form. Emotional tears are common among people who see Bambi's mother die or who suffer personal losses.

The phrase "having a good cry" suggests that crying can actually make you feel physically and emotionally better, which many people believe. Some scientists agree with this theory, asserting that chemicals build up in the body during times of elevated stress. These researchers believe that emotional crying is the body's way of ridding itself of these toxins and waste products.

In fact, one study collected both reflex tears and emotional tears (after peeling an onion and watching a sad movie, respectively). When scientists analyzed the content of the tears, they found each type was very different. Reflex tears are generally found to be about 98 percent water, whereas several chemicals are commonly present in emotional tears [Source: The Daily Journal. First is a protein called prolactin, which is also known to control breast milk production. Adrenocorticotropic hormones are also common and indicate high stress levels. The other chemical found in emotional tears is leucine-enkephalin, an endorphin that reduces pain and works to improve mood. Of course, many scientists point out that research in this area is very limited and should be further studied before any conclusion can be made.

Incidentally, in Japan some people have taken the notion of "a good cry" to the next level. They hold organized crying clubs where they watch sad movies and television shows and read tear-inducing books.The reasons for our crying changes as we grow from babies to adults.

Whatever the reason, I know it's a good thing to cry, but the best time is crying for joy... I have experienced this and it is the best cry I have ever had.

and there goes my morning mission...

2009-06-05T11:56:00.004+08:00

As any other day, I woke up today with a mission. I've been thinking a lot about it for the past few days and decided that I must do it. I have to.

However, due to ineffective time management, I failed to complete it today. Well, it is not about finishing the "thing" I want to do, it's starting to do the it. Sigh. Wani oh Wani. frustrating yes, to see all your hope for the day die right in front of your eyes. It's like a popsicle melting on the sandy beach in summer. All wasted.

See, I sort of like, woke up late. And that thingy should be done early in the morning when it is still very cool and when the sun is not up yet. Sekarang da noon, memang tak dapat nak dijalankan la. Haish.

Anyhow, there's always tomorrow. And who knows, tomorrow would be a better day to do it - Jogging!

I had a dream, and too bad it was a good one.

2009-06-04T01:46:00.004+08:00

I just had a wildest dream. No, it was not a good one. Perhaps there were a little bit of happiness and a lot of patheticness. Kenape la I dreamt of such a thing? Luckily, I woke up just in time to not let me berangan any longer.

Why do dreams exists? I think nobody can really understand or explain why dreams happen. Tapi people said that it is because, you have something on your mind before you sleep and you sort of like terbawa2 ke tido. The explanantion sounds possible.

This reminds me on how the brain doesnt really go to sleep when we dream. Kesian betul.

Back to my story, memang rase pathetic to dream such a thing. Orang cakap, for every dream that we have, there are interpretations for them.

But most of the time, I just like to think of them as mainan syaitan. It is one of their ways of menyesatkan manusia. Not saying this because I am religious or anything, but come to think of it, it is the truth.

Frankly, I would say that I actually sort of like, like that dream I had just now, tapi I know that it won't be real. Those dreams, the good ones that we have are like fairy tales. The ones that tell you that when you had a breakup and have gallons of tears streaming down, someone would come to the rescue. Someone would come and get you and make you happy again. But guess what. Fairy tales don't exists. Reality does, and how much you hurt from reality, that matters more as compared to the little happiness that you think you have in your dreams.

angah's kenduri, in brief.

2009-06-03T19:17:00.005+08:00

This should be a long post.but somehow, I can't write the details. polik den.

On Friday morning, at around 7 a.m I was already at the airport, waiting for my flight that was scheduled at 820a.m. Around 10 a.m, I arrived at KLIA and took the KLIA transit and STAR lrt back to Ampang. On my own, with my 15kg lugage. Man, am I not muscular.

When I reached home, it was already around 12p.m and the nikah ceremony was scheduled at 3…It was at the surau here in out neighbourhood and the tok kadi was one of those funny people I rarely meet. Memang lawak la...Penat tak penat, kene la sacrifice my sleep. Keje and keje. Alhamdulliah everything went accordingly, Allah humma yasir wala tuassir.

Then the next day is the walimatul urus, Many came including my girls, form school and otago, not forgetting irfan and sis Af. thanks for making time for my sis’s wedding. and came all the way from all over malaysia. Perak la pahang la. thanks so much babes..Makanan sedap kan..? :) Relatives pon ramai jugak yang datang. Sampai tak menang tangan. Again, sangat penat yet, sangat worth it. I was very happy and at the end of the day, sedih plak when people started to go home. haish. Can't wait for the reception on the groom's side. Kat taiping nanti. B)

That’s basically what happened at angah’s kenduri. Penat memang penat, but it was all worth it, getting to meet all the relatives and friends is priceless as compared to the exhaustion.

I just took a few photos. This is one of them. Will upload more bile da dpt drpd the photo people :)

P/S: datang jugak cam RTM and the other hosts. famous sekejap the whole family. And, the photographers were so cool, they’re like superbly hip and creative. Can’t wait for the photos.

i loike feet

2009-06-02T21:49:00.003+08:00

Lately, I've been involved with a few people who have been frank about stuffs to me. I feel good that people come to me for advice. And, yes I sometimes do wonder why do people act the way they do. Sumernyer polik2. Every single person in this world, has his or her very own personalities and never for once in my life,I meet 2 people of the same personality.

I remember last time when I was in matriculation. There was this twin sisters. Yea2, nothing wrong with having a twin, normal ba tuh. But one thing that distinguishes them from other twins is the fact that they wear the same exact clothing everyday. Ambuigity disitu. What I meant by the same attire everyday is the same baju for both for the both of them. Not just baju, bags and all the accessories. So, this leades to loads and loads of both -ve and +ve comments on them.

Get it?

Ok. It's about judging people. I know I shouldn't. Tak baek. but I am trying not to o.k.

When I meet people, the first thing I look at, inevitably is the face la kan.(social skills tuh). Then, my favourite part of the body, THE FEET! I don't know why but, yeah, I look at their feet. and then I conclude about their personality and stuff. Tgk kaki jer, I would know their attitudes and behaviours. Tak baek betol.Dari dulu sampai sekarang, but now I've slowed down la.

Lately, the people Im with, kept telling me stuffs that aren't in line with my stands and principles. Susah jgk ni. I do want to tell them, tp susah jgk. I mean, I can't judge people kan. Who am I to judge other people, apatah lagi bile sndiri pon tak betol lagi. All curled and bent over.

Yea la. I, myself, pon is now struggling over stuff and is trying to find the new me. The thought of turning into my old self do scare me sometimes. Susa jgk ni. I used to be macamaner ye... But, the good things that have changed me, I think I would like to keep it. Taknak la trade your jewelleries for things that are uncertain.

It's complications and kecelaruan identiti.

Fairy tale.

2009-05-22T12:37:00.005+08:00

We all remember our bedtime stories of our childhood. The shoe that fits Cinderella, the frog that turns into a prince, sleeping beauty is awaken by a kiss...

Once upon a time... and they live happily ever after.

Fairy tales. The stuff of dreams.

The problem is, fairy tales don't come true. It's the other story that begins with a dark and stormy night and ends in the unspeakable. It's the nightmares that take place when we sleep after Subuh, and not those fairy tales. It's the nightmares that seem to become reality.

Once upon a time. Happily ever after.

The stories we tell are the stuff of dreams. The stories we tell our children about life is the stuff of dreams. Fairy tales don't come true.

Reality is much stormier. Much murkier. Much scarier. And reality is all what life is all about.

Reality is much more interesting than living happily ever after.

I dont teach.

2009-05-16T09:03:00.005+08:00

"The whole art of teaching is only the art of awakening the natural curiosity of young minds for the purpose of satisfying it afterwards." -Anatole France

Intially, I thought that I would hate this course. I mean, I did say last time that I WILL NOT be a teacher. But then, it is true that inspiration only comes after we've started. So yeah, I am enjoying this course. The lecturers, the course itself, and the people who are in this course together with me.

So, today to all teachers in the world, who have contributed in numeraous fields of education,

Happy Teachers Day!

The mediocre teacher tells. The good teacher explains. The superior teacher demonstrates. The great teacher inspires. -William Arthur Ward

I am clueless.

2009-05-11T19:37:00.003+08:00

Tak paham. Sangat tak paham.

I think he's angry with me, but I dont know the reason. I tried confronting him, saying

"If there's anything bothering him about me, just let me know. Kawan kan. No hard feelings la pon..."

He just replied, "K". Even the fullstop wasn't there. Initially he did say that he have been busy la. Got tons of stuff to do. That one, I can't really kacau la.

But somehow, I know he's somewhat pissed with me or something. Nak tanye lebey2 lagi, nanti dier ckp Im such a pushy and I dont want that.

Tp friendship la. That's the most important thing. Dier nak marah2 pon, marah la depan2. When things like this happen and I dont know the reasons for his irritation, jadi tak sedap hati la. Kawan bukan sebulan dua. Almost 3 years dah.

So, what Im going to do now, is I will give him time. Tak taw la smpai bile, but I will let him have some space. Kalo dier tamau kawan da, or continue ignoring me, I will say sorry for the wrong stuffs I've done unconciously. Brape lame ni? Hadoi.

Diba, Riby, Yani, Azreen, Mazni: you guys got tagged.

2009-05-10T20:46:00.007+08:00

Just noticed that I've been tagged by Wafa.*rindu geng kite*.
Tag ni untuk kawan2, untuk release exam stress kite k.
So here goes.

1. Apakah nama blog anda sekarang dan kenapakah anda memilih nama tersebut?

"Cloudburst and Morass"
Tgk dictionary definition of cloudburst, then relate dgn morass.
Saye suke nature.

2. Apakah link blog anda sekarang dan bagaimana boleh timbul idea untuk menamakannya seperti itu?

"http://ther-murmur.blogspot.com"
Sebenarnyer, huruf 'r' in 'ther', tersalah eja.
Supposedly, THE-MURMUR. Tp tereja lebih arituh.
You should know what murmur means. rite?

3. Apakah method dalam bentuk penulisan blog anda?

1. Luahan rasa
2. Karya2 seni yang never made it to books and mags.
3. Nasihat/peringatan kepada diri dan orang sekeliling, dalam situasi yg same.
4. Everyday, random events.

4. Pernah rasa nak hapuskan blog anda? Kenapa?

Nope. I love writing. Walaupun aku taw, I suck at it.

5. Apakah pendapat anda terhadap blog kepada orang yang tag anda ini?

Wafa's?
Banyak luahan rase. I think, to her, blogging is to share her thoughts and also a form of emotional release. Begitulah.

6. Calons tag anda.

diba
yani kecik
riby
azreeeen
machni mazlan

What I did days before the exams.

2009-05-08T01:23:00.007+08:00

Exams' in less than 10 days and yes, this isn't studying.

It's my day. MINE.

2009-05-04T10:17:00.004+08:00

At 08:32 this morning, I received a message. I was still asleep because I slept quite late last night. (05:50 is late O.K). But, I woke up and replied the text messages.

WHOOOSE day is it TODAY?

Hahaha.

Oi, jawablah.

Haha. mine.

Apu..Yes, it is YOUR day! But from what is sounds, it's more like my day. Keep it up! Hope u have a miserable day! May every person ruin it for you! Thank you for making YOUR day MY day!

Haha. its MY day la.

Betul tu... So, don't let any1 else steal it or ruin it. It's the day for every1, every sad memory, every depressing moment to kiss your butt. K!

Heh. yes! thanx g!

*Ok. Grace asked me to play this game. Im in this game where I've to draw a day. From Mon to Sun, and unfortunately, I got Monday. So today, I've to forget all unhappy moments that I've had over the years, and be extremely happy. In other words, I have to BE HAPPY and no crying can happen on my day. (Coincedently "my day" = "monday")

Soooooooo fortunate to have friends.

Jazakallah Khairan Kasirah

2009-05-03T03:34:00.001+08:00

Simply, thanks God.

Dare you to move.

2009-05-02T08:44:00.006+08:00

Some bitterness in life wont kill you. It makes you better, healthier. Macam ulam(Me, 2009).

It has been long and I think that I am already forgotten. I really hope I can make it.

No one said that things would go easy. I mean I knew that it was a risk actually. Everything that we do everyday involves taking risks. It is either we realized it or not. Anyhow, its how we get through it. How we do things. How we handle them.And for me, I've taken things very lightly and here I am today

I admit that they are not easy to deal with. I can't sleep, I can't eat, I can't concerntrate. It is very hard. This thing that Im dealing with, is so hard. I might take time to heal from the wound, but I will get better.

Many told me that things happened because of certain reasons and that God has planned everything. They tell me that, He wouldnt test us unless we can handle it. People told me that, good will come after this misery. Because it wont continue raining and stormy. Because the sun will come out and the rainbow will appear.

But for the moment, I am still hurt. the pain is excruciating. the pain is so deep, I dont think that I've started to heal. The pain is too deep that it reaches the heart. That I feel so painful in the heart.

Not that I dont want to heal, I want to. But sometimes, I doubt that I can.

I have my family.
I have my caring friends.
I have nz waiting for my arrival next feb.
I have my whole future ahead of me.
I have lots of things that I can do in life.
I have people who want me.

Screw everything. I'm moving on!

*****
Im gonna go with Mai's suggestion starting today. That is, Im gonna have a studying timetable. 2 hours for each time of the day. E.g.: 2 hours in the morning, afternoon and at night. Sebab, if I dont have this timetable, I'll be drifted by my silly emotions. So much of emotional intelligence.

Sh*t. I only have two weeks left.

Serabut gile post ni. Haih. Sorry.

Buddies for life.

2009-04-28T03:11:00.003+08:00

I think I have the best friends in the world. I mean, if there is such competition where you can nominate your friends, I would definitely nominate every one of them.

A friend in need is a friend indeed.

They have been very supportive towards me. In every incident that had happened to me, a tragedy or a success, they were always there where I need them. There where I can reach them.

Sometimes, well maybe not, Most of the time, I would always have problems in my relationship and I always turn to my friends. They listened without fail, and always, very oftenly, they will always have time for my 'kerenah'.

Maybe that is why, I have become so dependent on them too. See, since high school, I cant never go to DM alone. I would feel so lonely if I go alone. Haha. Some may say that its stupid but, there are some truth to what Im saying. Yela, tader orang nak g DM dengan kiter kan, its like rejected la.But I never had that moment. Mine was always a glittery one. (Teringat mase bukak pose kat DM!)

Anyways, in Kuching also, I've been blessed with such great people around me. They are so caring and understanding. Thanks girls for everything. I promise that I will try to improve myself, for the sake of you guys. Takkan ku lupakan korang forever~

And in the end, i am a Fish.

2009-04-26T13:41:00.003+08:00

Dear Lord,

I think this is too hard. Cubaan ni terlalu berat utk aku. I don't know whether I can go on. Examination is just around the corner. Somehow, Im not going to do well in it. Maybe I'll flunk every paper and maybe I won't go to Otago.So,dear God, help me.

One after another. Macam jatuh ditimpa tangga. How can I bear with it? Hoe can I deal with it? Initally I thought it would be ok.To not having anything to do with it anymore. I thought I would be alright. But, I don't. Dear God, help me.

Whatever the reason for this heavy downpour, I hope the sun would come out soon. Please. I can't bear it. I can't stand it. Please let the sun to come out as soon as possible. And, please let it stay as long as I live. Dear God, help me.

Please let this burden go away. Please let me live as how I used to be. Let me be that happy person, appreciating everyone around me. I want to be that joyous person I used to be. I know that Im strong. Why can't I be strong now? Give me strength to come out alive from this misery. Dear God, help me.

I am hopeless without him. But I know that Im more hopeless without You. For you are the all-giver. And everything that happens today, is because of your will. Because of the Qada' and Qadar. Everyhting happens for a reason, people might say it. Dear God, help me.

Im a helpless fish. Im a dead fish.

Dependency and Reliability

2009-04-23T05:51:00.006+08:00

Wani: Maybe because, over the past 3 years, I've been depending solely on him. Maybe that's why it was quite hard to let go.

Grace: You know, maybe God is trying to show that, we human, cannot totally rely or depend on that other person, that other human. And also, He doesnt want us to love another human, another creation of His, more than we love him.

My lingering thoughts: Because He's the Boss and we are just his servants. He has the ultimate power, yet we chose to love and be reliant to another creature of His own creation. Sigh. Berdosanye.

Advice from Angah.

2009-04-20T00:37:00.004+08:00

It's her who have been doing all the sacrifices.
Who had worked for over 30 years to raise all 4 of us up.

Who came to school alone for my "Hari Academic" and "Yasin Recitation",

Who tried her best to provide all my wants and needs,
(Piano lessons, art classes, dance classes.
Chocolate cake, mac and cheese, me hailam.)

Who hopes that I will have a good and happy life.
(She filled the form of the course that Im currently taking.
She didn't let me do stuff that
I thought was the best thing to do, but later grateful of not doing it. (actualization lambat))

Who never wants to see a tear on my face.
Who wants me to always wake up everyday with a smile.

Who after all the rebellious things I've done,

Love me unconditionally.

Therefore, to be crying about someone other than Him and her,
is clearly "tak bertimbang rase".
She has done a lot of things to make me happy,
How can I cry, consequently worry her about trifles that
are insignificant compared to her sacrifes?

Trials and Tribulations

2009-04-18T04:56:00.004+08:00

Finally, I decided to write again.

One knows that he or she is entering the adulthood when he or she starts to make meaningful decisions for his or herself. Im not saying that when we were in high school we did not make such decisions, but, in high school things were different.

Like, choosing to go play in the evening or to just stay in.
choosing to eat in the canteen or at the dining hall.
Or, Choosing to attend koko or skip it and stay in the sick bay.

These are choices too and to some people, they are meaningful. But, the clearer choices that one made in life, are choices that are , inevitably, undoubtly, affect his or her life in a long term. The decisions that one made, the path that they have chosen in the past, is the factor that he or she is living the life he or she has today.

But in making choices, one may be faced by many obstacles and challenges. This is the hardest part. while some may say that the best thing is to think the best for your future, we have remember that no one knows how the future may colour itselft. Whether it is pitch black or in the form of rainbows, only He knows what is best for us.

Making choices and having to face the result, be it good or bad, is a form of test from Him. In surah Muhammad, verse 31, Allah stated,

"And We shall certainly test you until We see those among you who struggle and are steadfast and try your tidings,"

Bad choices brings difficulties later in life while good decisions lead one to a happier life.

However, both indirectly help us to move forward in life. It depends on how we perceive that good fortune that comes along with the each package. Then, it all comes back to the fact that we are the servants of all, small people with nothing to be proud with, the loyal servants of Allah.

God helps those who help themselves.

If one faced difficulties after making that decison, after making that choice, remember that there are always other ways to remedize the bitterness.

"Return to your Lord, well-pleased and pleasing [to Him], And enter among My [righteous] servants, And enter My Paradise."

Verse 28-30,Al-Fajr

Allah is the most merciful. The one who created the land and the sky. The one who provides us with food and wealth, health and victory. He knows what is best for his servants for He is the All-knower. When everything seems to go down, remember, return to Allah. Remember that He never tests he or she with something that he or she cannot bear. Something he or she cannot come out alive with. Always remember Him as the sole rewarder to the people, the only source of happiness. Therefore, return to Allah, in sorrow or in happiness.

Always remember that every problem has its solution as how every pain can be relieved through painkiller. Find ways to solve them. Consult with friends, ask for advice and never lose hope. Allah is with you.

Dearest awak,

2009-04-14T20:35:00.003+08:00

Dearest awak,

I hate the way you talk to me.
And the way you cut your hair.
I hate the way you drive my car.
I hate it when you stare

I hate your big dumb combat boots.
And the way you read my mind.
I hate you so much it makes me sick -
it even makes me rhyme.

I hate the way you're always right.
I hate it when you lie.
I hate it when you make me laugh -
even worse when you make me cry.

I hate it that you're not around.
And the fact that you didnt call.
But mostly I hate the way I don't hate you -
not even close, not even a little bit, not any at all.

Sabar

2009-04-12T05:07:00.002+08:00

وَلَنَبْلُوَنَّكُمْ بِشَيْءٍ مِّنَ الْخَوفْ وَالْجُوعِ وَنَقْصٍ مِّنَ الأَمَوَالِ وَالأنفُسِ وَالثَّمَرَاتِ وَبَشِّرِ الصَّابِرِينَ
"And most certainly shall We try you by means of danger, and hunger, and loss of worldly goods, of lives and of [labour's] fruits. But give glad tidings unto those who are patient in adversity"

(Surah al-Baqarah, 155)

الَّذِينَ إِذَا أَصَابَتْهُم مُّصِيبَةٌ قَالُواْ إِنَّا لِلّهِ وَإِنَّـا إِلَيْهِ رَاجِعونَ
"Who, when calamity befalls them, say, "Verily, unto God do we belong and, verily, unto Him we shall return."

(Surah al-Baqarah, 156)

Who is running after gold and silver will be its slaves, but gold and silver are under the feet of the servants of Allah- first reaching of Islam is patience, so you can control your ego- with a full stomach you can’t be able to rise to the level of Angels- the taste of physical pleasure is getting less, the Favours of Allah remain the same.

The taste patience gives us is something one cannot imagine. Thus, be patient. Allah knows what's best.

And so we say sorry...

2009-04-09T20:30:00.008+08:00

I think I've been raised to always be sensitive to others' feelings and always apologize whenever I feel uncomfortable after a 'talk' with friends. This is because, insensitivity and 'sikap tidak mengaku salah' are two major conflict contributors in relationships.

I have met a large number of people who refuses to say sorry even though they realize that they know that it is their fault. This group of people, are those that I really don't understand. I mean, after being clearly guilty in a situation, they still do not say that 's' word. I think, if I were to be in their position, the guiltiness would surely stick on my hair untill I apologize.

It is never wrong to make mistakes as we are only human. Being the creature rather than The Creator, we are bound to make mistakes. And the best remedy for this weakness is to apologize. Your ego and pride won't bring you to social greatness. Instead, they pull you into social no-no club.

However, when one says sorry, it does not mean that he or she is wrong. As stated intially, apologizing is a form of conflict avoidance.

I think, when a conflict takes place between 'A' and 'B', the first step that should be taken by both parties is to say sorry if both parties have, without purpose, hurt each others' feelings. However, if only one party has done the mistake, she ought to say sorry first. This is where self-conciousness takes place. Remember that, we are not always right, and that there are times that we should say sorry.

Ok. After that, after saying sorry that is, explain why you do the things you did. This is a crucial step because any insensitivity in explaining the reason will show insincerity. Do not raise your voice or try explaining using polite words rather than rough ones.

Well, of course we cannot actually change our behaviour overnight. But in order to be a better person, better person to live with, we have to make an effort to change.

As Grace has said it, "Change is constant,".

SORRY!

I screwed up 51% of my teenage life"

2009-04-07T12:54:00.003+08:00

Got this from afiq from facebook.

Answer the following.
Get the total and multiplies by 3
Post as "I screw up ...% of my teenage life
Tag 15 of your friends

here goes..

[X] Gotten your phone taken away in school.
[ ] Gotten suspended.
[ ] Gotten caught chewing gum.
[ ] Gotten caught cheating on a test.

Total: 1

[ ] Arrived late to class more than 5 times.
[X] Didn’t do homework over 5 times
[X] Turned at least 3 projects in late
[X] Missed school cause you felt like it.
[ ] Laughed so loud you got kicked out of class.

Total : 3

[ ] Got your mom / dad etc. to get you out of school.
[X] Texted people during class.
[X] Passed notes.
[ ] Threw stuff across the room.
[ ] Laughed at the teacher.

Total : 2

[ ] Pulled Down The Fire Alarm.
[X] Went on Myspace , Facebook , Xanga , etc. on the computer at school.
[X] Took Pictures during school hours.
[X] Called someone during School hours.
[X] Listened to an iPod , mp3, CD , etc... During class.

Total : 4

[ ] Threw something at the teacher.
[X] Went outside the classroom without permission.
[X] Broke the dress code.
[X] Failed a class test.
[X] Ate food during class.

Total : 4

[ ] Gotten a call from the school.
[ ] Couldn’t go on a field trip cause you behaved badly.
[X] Didn’t take your stuff to school.
[ ] Gotten a detention and didn't go.
[ ] Stuck up your middle finger at a teacher when they were not looking.
[ ]Cursed during class loud enough so the teacher could hear

Total : 1

[ ] Faked your parents signature
[X] Slept in class.
[ ] Cursed at a teacher to their face
[X] Copied homework

Total: 2

MULTIPLY BY THREE : 17 x 3 = 51%

Tagging:

those who are interested.

Great week, Great people, & Being 20.

2009-04-05T01:16:00.009+08:00

boling day with them on friday (3 April)

surprise birthday party with them on saturday (27 March)

pressies and on the right is from nicholas and grace( 1 April)

double birthday celebration with the girls (4 April)

annual tepung session on tuesday (31 March)

It was a great week and i had everything going my way this week, with His blessings. thank you to Him and also to all my good friends for the wishes and pressies. love you guys!

being 20 is a bog deal. no more "belasan tahun". from today onwards, it'll just be "puluhan". seriously. some to think of it, its kinda frustrating, but i still hope that the 20th year would be better. i want this first year of being "puluhan tahun" to be better, with more great things coming my way, insyAllah.

Amin.

as I reach 20...

2009-03-31T16:42:00.005+08:00

Changing is a big word. although some believe that staying the same, staying put at what you are doing is the best idea, when we think back and forth, changing too, is not that bad.

Because to evolve needs guts and boldness, i decided that it is time for me to do it. The hardest thing that i never thought i would have done. Most people said, in changing one self to be better, the beginning stages are the hardest. No doubt, it is hurtful and full of melancholy. But actually, come to think of it, i shouldn't be at all, sad or any other adjectives that falls into the same category. I should be proud that i have the ability to do so, to pursue what i want.

Maybe it's because i've been so used to the condition that i was in before..But, let's not talk about the past, because the things that happened in the past cannot be undo. The future that lies in front of us, is a better way to look at life.

when you reminicse the good times you had in the past,
imagine the great life you will have in the future.

when you have no shoulder to cry on,

turn to Him.

when you need someone to share the joy with,

rejoice with Him.

when you think that no one cares about you,
remember that He loves you more than anyone else.

when all is lost,
He will give everything.

i am a bird, lost in the desert. Yet, He gives way to those who wants them.

~
mengikut waktu Islam, when it reaches maghrib, a new day has actually set out. since maghrib is like 2 hours away, it means that i will reach 20 in 2 hours.

may all the happiness in the world be yours, wani.

This is a proof that I am so naive

2009-03-27T20:20:00.007+08:00

I know I've been busy this week that I've no time to write anything, and my birthdays is just like a few days away, and not today...I still want to thanks very good frens of mine for having this surprise becoming birthday for me today..

the story actually goes like this. (Amanda's actually Cass's cousin that Nas and I interviewed for our Linguistic assignment)

Thursday, 26 March 2009

Cass: Wani, Amanda's having this birthday party on friday and my mom said I should invite you guys since you interviewed her ma the other day..

Me: O.ok.. boleh jugak..

Cass: well, it's actually a surprise for her. i can't wait to see the birthday girl's face.

Me: Haha. Yeah me too. coz she's like soo shy...Is Nas coming?

Cass: That's a prob. I invited her but she said she has things to do.

Me: Ala.. if she goes, then I'll go... Ask rhenu to pursuade her la..

Cass: yeah, I told rhenu to do that already.

Friday, 27 March 2009
Morning, otw to class

Me: So, are you going to Amanda's bday party?

Nas: Yeah la.. you're going too right?

Me: yup. 5-7 pm ma..eh, what are you going to give her?

Nas: I hav this crocodile I bought for literature but wont be using it sbb mdm so tukar the assgnment. so I guess I'll give her that la..

Me: Ala, I dun have anything to give her la. Kene la gi Saberkas. you wanna cgo?

Nas: Malas la. We can share bah. the croc.

Me: Taper la. I ask diba first

-texting diba-
wani-nak g saberkas x?
dba- tak kot. aku ader discussion
wani- okies

around 10 a.m...

-texting diba-
dba-nak ikot g saberkas
wani-okies.pkol 12 ok?
dba-ok.
wani-nak naek uncle k jalan kaki?
dba-naek uncle la, sbb tamau pnat. aku ader discussion ptg nt.
wani-okies

afternoon, just got back from saberkas, before going to the respective venue (as what has been told- Mango Tree)

Me: Cass, I bought her something. cute spongebob glasses.

Cass: aiya wani. No need pon taper. the important thing is the presence.

Me: tapi not good maa, going to bday party, dont bring anything..

Cass: still the presence is what's important.

Me: how many people are going to be there ya cass?

Cass: .................

Me: around 50? 100?

Cass:..............

Me: is your grandmother coming too?

Cass: yeah. she should. you know, I cant wait to see the face of the birthday girl.

-----blablablabla----------

in Prem's car heading to the Spring coz Rhenu and Cass wanted to buy this crocodile in Memory Lane...

Rhenu: you have to come help us choose the thing.

Prem: you guys go first la.. I need to find a parking for the car.

Rhenu: no no. We'll go together. Faster la.. this is a birthday party and we're late.

Nas's phone rang

Nas: Ha mak. Kat Spring ni. Nak shopping. OK nanti akak call balik.

while entering the Spring, Nas said she wanted to buy cake, so we entered Secret Recipe.Then I saw Nana and Tharini. I thought that it was coincedent that we met them there. but things were a little wierd when Rhenu began sitting. But Nas still went ot the cake display area to look for the cake.

Me: guys, Im so blurr. What's happening?

Nas & Cass: ...........................

So they all sat, and being a little shy with prem, I didnt sit beside him. instead I sit at the end of the table. Then, Nas said.

Nas: go sit next to Prem.

Me: Huh? Why?

Nas: .......................

So, I went ot sit beside him, only to later notice that there were also Bonnie, Mel, Kak T and Atie there. Then the waiter came...with a cake..

I was still blurr though. what about Amanda's birthday?

Cass: there was no bday party for Amanda. It's a surprise bday for you n Prem!

and that's the story..

at the end of the day:

1. I bought a present for myself
2. the one calling Nas was Tharini. I was totally fooled.
3. My cheeks actually became lenguh due to excessive smiling.
4. the first 15 minutes at secret recipe, I wasnt really like 'berpijak dibumi yang nyata'.haha. Blur is a simpler word. shock and surprise.

Thanks girls for the short, yet memorable 20th becoming birthday party!

dreadful assignments = hols yang tak best

2009-03-17T12:20:00.003+08:00

This one week holiday to me, seems like the busiest holiday. not that I have a lot of events going on.

but, the fact that I have tonnes of assignments is the torturous,most noxious poison of my holidays.

I've always bared in my mind that "cuti" means cuti. In other words, no assgnments or homework should be in my list of activities during the hol.

But, 2009 has not been helpful in helping me to be firm in that principle of mine. sigh.

I mean, loads and loads of assgment. Ok the amount doesnt really matter if I could concerntrate and focus on them. The problem is, I COULDN'T!!

And as a result, I resorted to my favorite social websites. Parasites, they are. Sumer kije tak jalan, due to being glued to the games in them. Tak wajar btol.

Baru satu siap, my part in the human development tuh.

confirm2 balik kuching this sunday, memang kerahan tenage + sleepless night + coffee la...

wolf, rabbit, lioness, eagle and the Saharan Desert

2009-03-09T18:18:00.008+08:00

The big wolf has been told by the little rabbit to hop it.

The shadow of dependency has shown its true self.

Living those untied, drifted out to the sea.

I am a lioness, who roars dignity.
In the pride of lions, I protect my acquaintance.
When alone, I stand firm on my principles and virtue.

I refuse to be an eagle.
Distinguished by its size, build.
Wings and head filled with pride.
Yet, hovering on its own.
A bird of prey who showed no mercy.

..........

Little rabbit,

Why is it so hard to keep up?
Is it the pace?
Is it the morale?
or it is just a twinge of envy?

The latter seemed to sound dreadfully inane.
but it has revealed itself in various ordeals.

Life isn't a box of chocolate,
But it never was a glass of bitter milk.

No one asked for the heavy downpour.
Yet, no one asked for the Saharan to be as dry as it is.

..........

This is a marshy morass and what had just happened is a cloudburst.

Bonda Oh Bonda

2009-03-04T18:50:00.002+08:00

I worried sick today. I tried so hard to keep my mind in the lesson during class today.

Mane tak nyer, all four of us couldnt reach mom at all for the whole day.

In the morning, my sis texted me..." Mama ade kol awk x? angah try kol mama tak dpt.."

"Tader pon. taper2. nt wani kol mama,"..

I tried and tried, not a single time that the phone was picked up by my mom.

I called abg..." abg, mama ade tak kat umah maser abg kuar g kje pg td?"..

"..Tader pon. kenape?"

" Tadi wani try kol mama tak angkat n kol hp tak dpt.Angah n ekin pon tak dpt reach mama.Pelik jugak ni."

For like almost 10 hours, none of us were able to reach her, and angah resorted to calling mak lang, maksu, auntie husna and other people.

Even until i finished my class at around 5, there were still no news about her.

Tibe-tibe on the phone screen--- " A text msg received from Angah."

"MAMA GI SERVICE KETE, somehow, the calls didnt reach her phone even though it was switched on!.."

adoiai bunda...

Reminiscing: semesti

2009-03-02T21:48:00.004+08:00

A few minutes ago, I visited frankie's blog and his latest post is about the annual form 5 dinner that he had last year, I guess.

It makes me reminisced the time when my batch had ours. The same, traditional dinner, attended by teachers and all the form fivers.

I remebered, in preparing the hall that very evening, decorating the hall with all sorts of 'kaen' that soon proved itself to be very useful and quite pretty as well, it was one of the best memories I had in that school.

I think I still have some photos of the dinner, which I will soon upload. Just to share with the rest of the 19th batch members.

I remembered too, that together with jamek, we were one of the emcee couples that night, along with another 4 couples. It was soo cool. No one ever did that I think. Well, it was actually to give the emcees time to enjoy their food too.

But anyways, time flies in the speed of 60 seconds a minute. (what does tt have to do with anythin?)

Percaya atau tidak, ith as almost been 3 years since my batch and I left school. Left SEMESTI. The school where I went schooling for 5 years.

Gile la. I miss those good old days, when I skip school and decided to go back to hostel right after the assembly just because I dont feel like going.

I miss having to sneak out of class half an hour early before lunch break and going through the guy's route to hostel(which is the longer but less visible to the wardens), so that I and other people who could-not-be-name did not have to queu for lunch.

I miss having to go to Scout's meeting when I was form five, doing nothing but act superior to the juniors.

I miss having ICU with my great add-math mentor, Fasyihah who is now in India, I heard.

I miss wearing slippers to prep, and got kantoi-ed with cikgu yasin who then decided to put my slippers outside the class.

I miss it when other people wore skin-coloured socks with sandals, and my name was written down by the prefects, because I wore slippers---sliper jamban( the slippers were purple) to class.

I miss studying in the reading room, with MP3 under my tudung.

I miss having to remember the good Sundays when we had our morning preps in the reading room while the radio was turned on quite loud in the room just because of the carta-s in various radio stations.

I miss having met all the teachers-they've been very helpful over the years.

Sigh. I miss the good old days when we didnt have any responsibilities, where our world is just books. exams, assemblies, outings, homeworks, prep hours, libraries, uniform units.....

Buat laa keje.

2009-02-28T19:58:00.005+08:00

4 weeks before handing in Philosophy of Edu and Science assignments. (23 Mac)

2 weeks before handing in Linguistics assignment. (13 Mac)

2 weeks before returning to KL. (13 Mac)

1 week to Bako National Park. (7 Mac)

Assignment berlambak, lepak je kejenyer.

to kak AF and abg Khalis

2009-02-24T10:52:00.007+08:00

Ucapan Saya.

Selamat berkahwin this weekend. Pressies will be received when I reached KL on the 13th, when I see you then. Sorry for the inability to attend the reception. I will visit you soon, being abg k's wife. :)

To kak AF:

"When a woman observes the five times of prayer, fasts during Ramadan, preserves her chastity and obeys her husband, she may enter by any of the gates of Paradise she wishes."

[Hadith Al-Tirmidhi]

To abg Khalis, whom I never met:

"Woman is like a rib. When you attempt to straighten it, you would break it. And if you leave her alone you would benefit by her, and crookedness will remain in her."

[Hadith Muslim]

Rasulluallah said, "The best among you is the one who is the best towards his wife"

Hope to see you guys soon enough. May everything run smoothly :)

Solat

2009-02-22T10:32:00.007+08:00

Yesterday, Dee gave a tazkirah about dosa2 meninggalkan solat and she told us about a story that happened in the times of Nabi Musa.

It was about a women who came to see Musa to repent her sins. She had committed zina and had murdered the child that she had carried because of zina. Musa soon became very angry and immediately ask the women to leave. Later, Jibrail came down and visited Musa.

Jibrail asked Musa, “Why did you reject a lady who wanted to repent from her sins? Don’t you know that there is a sin much bigger than what she did?”

Musa was shocked and overwhelmed with curiosity, “What is that sin bigger than the disgraceful acts of the fornicating and murdering woman?” Musa asked Jibrail further, “Is it true that there is a sin greater than that of the disgusting woman?”

"Yes, there is!" Jibrail answered firmly."

"What is that sin?" Musa was getting more anxious."A person who deliberately miss 'solat' and not regretting it. The sin of that person is greater than committing 'zina' a thousand times."

We human may not be perfect, that is normal. but having Islam as a religion and as our faith, make us more human in many ways.

The difference between a Muslim and a non-Muslim is her solat. Therefore, when one fail to do so without valid reasons, he or she can be considered kafir. Hence, it is feared that those who purposely do not perform solat would die in the state of kufur.

"Solat itu tiang agama, barangsiapa yang mengerjakannya maka ia menegakkan agamanya dan barangsiapa yang meninggalkannya ia meruntuhkan agamanya".

[Riwayat Al-Bakhari dan Muslim]

another syukur.

2009-02-16T20:43:00.004+08:00

Alhamdulliah. One ofter another. Success.

This year is going to be great.

All the things that happened in the past, all my perceptions towards it, have absolutely changed. Perhaps experience has made me more mature. Or. God has good reasons for me to experience what I have experience years back.

I used to think that I will never be really good in one area, that's why I committed myself to many thigns such as piano, baseketball, debate. It was kinda true though. Last time, I never really won anything. pathetic btol.

Maybe the year of the ox has brought many good things.

Im greatful, and I too, will work harder to achieve more. To be better.

p/s: do i get anything? Im craving for sambal ikan bilis and gardenia bread.(they dont
have the bread here in srwk)

well, I actually miss everything about home.

how eh?

2009-02-13T11:15:00.002+08:00

Well, we sorta of like have this futsal tournament tomorrow. We'd actually joined last year and yes, we didnt win any of the matches. the reason is rather clear though; we dont have the skill.

This year, we've decided that we should prepared and for the last 2 days, we've actually had our training session with nic.(so much of being prepare, pektis 3 hari jer).

heh. :)

So, is this realy a game for guys or girls just cant play game, in this case, kick balls, with thier feet?

Susa bah mok padah. even with the training, we find it hard to kick the ball. some of the major probs are

1. we kicked the ball to too slow-it has never been too kuat
2. the ball didnt go to the direction that it was supposed to be
3. we tend to get tangled among ourselves, because, our eyes are just on the silly ball

So the match is tomorrow.
I dont know how we'll manage it but lets pray for the best.

The first debate after 2 years

2009-02-08T23:24:00.004+08:00

When I thought that I would suck bad at one thing that I thought I would, it suddenly didnt turn as bad as I thought it would.(now, this sentence sounds confusing). But anyways, I should say that Im sort of like, proud of myself also laaa...after falling a few great times for the past few months, Im able to stand up again, with people noticing. Thats something.

Well, actually, last semester, I thought that I would quit debating. seriously. I remembered one time, I was so frustrated, I wrote it in one of my posts. The thing that crossed my mind that time was, how I never really won any competition. Like really winning it. (tidak termasuk interclass or interhouse etc).

But the last league made me sort of like change my mind.

Come to think of it, tak patut jgk la kan. One thing that made us win 3 out of 4 debates was, may be the fact that we didnt meet the tougher teams like the ones from Swinburn and INTI. Possibly.

But anyhow, I did enjoy the debates yesterday. Being the third speaker isn't all that hard pon.Interesting even. I think. Now I wonder why I didnt try being the 3rd speaker mase skola dulu. It was really fun.

:)

Loss.

2009-02-02T20:12:00.006+08:00

Dear friend,

I felt really bad for not having to be in the room when I was supposed to, and when you needed me too. I am sorry.

I wasnt always in the room, too selfish to hear your heart cried. I am sorry.

When you were sick, I was so chicken to come forward to admit that I made mistakes to you. I am sorry.

I feel like I am a fishtail for being so selfish, while most of the time, you were being selfless and very helpful. I did not see that.

Im sorry that I took things for granted. Frankly, I thought it would never turn out to be this serious.

I am sorry for being such a pain in the a**. I truly am.

Somehow, I miss having you here.

Take care dear friend, and happy 20th bday.

Kurang berkaitan

2009-01-29T10:36:00.004+08:00

These past few days, I've been having dreams bout angah's wedding. Not that its a bad thing but the thing is, it want a dream coz dreams are supposed to be those with nice ones and without the miserable feeling when you got up. Mine are nightmares. But people said that, those things those things that we dreamt about, in reality will turn the other way around. I wish thats true.

OK.

When someone love us, he/she tends to control us. True?

I think so. Just like our parents and sibs. Control in a good way, I mean. Like, they wouldnt allow us to go out at night and so on. I say that this is love. yup. but when we 've reached one age (mine is 20), we children or sister or bro would like to be regarded as adults who are able to take care of ourselves and differentiate between good and bad.

With love, comes trust.We just want ot be trusted that we can take care of oursleves and they dont have to worry that much anymore.

ding of ralization

2009-01-22T06:05:00.005+08:00

I've called people names before and i have been called namess too.

Yesterday in class, the lecturer was saying how, when we call people names, those things will fall back to us. yes. Everyone knows this. I knew this ever since I was in school. but I never believed it. At that point of time, I too, never knew that my life was about to change when I went for the interview my mom wanted me to.

That was the turning point. Where Im about to understand and feel what it felt to be a teacher to those 'nooligan' children. Well, I haven't exactly been teaching but the fear of h'aving a student of what I used to be, is a nightmare.

Life turns in a circle. Sometimes you're up in the sky , sometimes you're down the drain.

third week of degree

2009-01-19T20:05:00.004+08:00

The previous week has been very exhausting.We had to ganti the days for the Chinese New Year hols. and only God knows, how we're going to finish the mountainful assignments.

Everyone seems to be going back this hols. well, not everyone, but most of them. Tp if i go back, I wouldnt be able to at least start, what more to finish them.

"Ala, at least balik dpt interview budak2 kat umah.." Azreen told me the other day.

Memang btol pon.kan? Imagine. Kuching is like the unknown world to mos of us, and cmner la nak cari budak2 utk read the text for the assignment? Adoi.

Also, dosh is running out. very fast.

Boycot tag

2009-01-17T06:19:00.004+08:00

Got tagged by Kak Af

here's what we should do.it's simple:

list down 5 of the products from the list below that you are boycotting,and then list down 5 of the products that you will try your best to boycott,and finally list another 5 of the products that you find it hard to boycott,and tag 5 others.

this tag is to get everyone to read the list below carefully and identify which products affects your life and the lives of the Palestinians most! You can also compare your list with your friends and see: if they can boycott one product that you haven't been boycotting, why can't you start to boycott the product too?

5 products Im boycotting:
1. McDonalds
2. Nestle
3. L'oreal
4. Starbucks
5. Coca-Cola

5 products I will start to boycott:
1. Disney
2. IBM
3. Intel
4. Carrefour
5. Danone

5 products I find hard to boycott:
1. L'oreal
2. McDonalds
3. Starbucks
4. MAC
5. Nestle

I tag:
1. wafa
2. mazni
3. ili
4. frankie
5. ayan

Boycott List by Brands
:: AOL Time Warner Time Life magazine, CNN, ICQ
:: Apax Partners Jonny Rockets, Sunglass Hut.
:: Arsenal Football Club
:: Coca-Cola Fruitopia, Fanta, Kia Orange, Lilt, Sprite, Sunkist..
:: Caterpillar
:: Danone HP foods, Evian, Volvic, Jacob
:: Delta Galil Hema, Barbie, Carrefour, Auchan, Tchibo, Victoria's Secret, GAP, Banana Republic, Structure, J-Crew, JC Penny, Pryca, Lindex, DIM, DKNY, Ralph Lauren, Playtex, cK, Hugo Boss, M&S
:: Disney
:: Emblaze
:: Estée Lauder Aramis, Clinique, DKNY, Prescriptives, Origins, MAC, La Mer, Bobbi Brown, Tommy Hilfiger, Jane, Donna Karan, Aveda, Stila, Jo Malone, Bumble & Bumble, Kate Spade
:: Home Depot Villager's Hardware, Georgia Lighting, Apex Supply, EXPO Design Centres
:: IBM
:: Intel
:: Johnson & Johnson
:: Kimberly-Clark Kleenex, Kotex, Huggies, Andrex
:: Lewis Trust Group River Island, Isrotel hotels, Britannia Pacific
:: The Limited Inc Express stores, Lerner New York, Structure, New York & Company, Mast Industries, Intimate Brands, Victoria's Secret, Bath & Body Works, White Barn Candle Company, Henri Bendel
:: L'Oreal Giorgio Armani, Redken 5th Avenue, Lancome Paris, Vichy, Cacharel, La Roche-Posay, Garnier, Biotherm, Helena Rubinstein, Maybelline, Ralph Lauren, Carson
Marks & Spencer M&S, St.Michaels
:: McDonald's
:: Motorola
:: Nestle Nescafé, Perrier, Vittel, Pure Life, Carnation, Libby's, Milkmaid, Nesquik, Maggi, Buitoni, Cross & Blackwell, KitKat, Milkybar, Quality Street, Smarties, After Eight, Aero, Polo, Lion, Felix cat food, L'Oréal
:: News Corporation TV: Fox, Sky, Star, Phoenix, Granada, CNBC. UK newspapers: Standard Newspaper, News of the World, The Sun, The Times. Australian Newspapers: The Telegraph , Gold Coast Bulletin, Herald Sun, Independent, Sunday Mail. US newspapers: New York Post. Publishers: Harper Collins Ragan, Zondervan, National Geographical. Nursery World, Rawkus, NDS, Mushroom Records, ChinaByte.com, Festival Records
:: Nokia
:: Revlon New World Entertainment, Forbes
:: Sara Lee Hanes, Playtex, Champion, Leggs, Douwe Egberts, Bryan, DIM, Ambi Pur, Bali, Superior Coffee, Just My Size, Kiwi, Maison Cafe, Nur die, Pilao, Lovable, Outer Banks, Wonderbra, Sanex, Pickwick, Gossard, Body Mist, Brylcreem, Aqua Velva, Radox
:: Siemens
:: Selfridges
:: Starbucks Seattle Coffee, Pasqua, Hear Music, TazoTimberland

coming back to kuching and angah's bday

2009-01-11T08:36:00.004+08:00

Today is angah's birthday.

Happy Birthday sis!

Everyone's been worrying how 'abg ngah' wouldnt be wishing her but apparently we were so wrong. The family thought that because of their 'unique' relationship, he wouldnt know that today's her bday. Well, he didnt exactly wished her at 12am adn he's her fiance.So, yeah, all of us thought that he didnt know that it's angah's bday. But, later around 7.30 am, he texted angah to watch tv..guess what?.. He wished her in national TV.. I didnt really watch but mama told me so. It sounded something like this...

"Saya ingin mengucapkan selamat hari jadi kepada seseorang yang istimewa yang berada di ampang....blablabla...yadayadayada..." (I dont know whether its exageration or it was really like this)

hahah. Romantic gle la bkal abang ipar tuh..

Anyways, im back in kuching feeling way diff. somehow, the environment seems to be familiar but, I feel that somehow im not used to it.

Yesterday, while I was on my way to the airport, I realised something. you know, we often take things for granted. Thats what Mdm Angie thought during nglish study but yesterday was different. People say that we only come to appreciate stuff when we loss them. Family and friends. But this was diff. I was like admiring all the stuff that we have in KL and not in Kuching and I realised that I would be missing them and blablabla...then, I thought of one thing.

What if I dont have this pair of fantastic eyes?

I wouldnt get to see all the good things in life. and the bad things too. Imagine that you've been living for 20 years with this pair of eyes and in seconds, you would lose them and never get to see the world anymore. Even the simplest things such as the apartments by the road or children throwing pebbels into the river.

So, appreciate the things that we have around us. Family, friends, our belongings and also the things around us; our environment.Keep them in the right place, perhaps in a safe, so that they wouldnt get stolen or run away. Trust me, life would be so much harder if these 'things' get lost.

mau balik suda..

2009-01-08T19:47:00.005+08:00

Lately, I cant really writw anymore. I mean, I sort of like, loss words to describe the things I want to express and thats really bad. I think this is the effect of having holidays for too long. hope to be on track when the semester starts.

Anyways, I willl be going back to kuching on the 10th which is this saturday, alongwith diba and yanie kecik. Banyak bende nak catchup ni.

And, I want this pair of shoes so badly. Adoi. Should I buy it?

brand new year.

2009-01-01T23:52:00.003+08:00

2008 has been a great year. The begining of a new lifetime job (eventhough im just getting started), and the end of being the "belasan tahun". Thats a sad one.

Anyways, 2009 will be a new start. A new one. Degree and everything else.

risk more.
be glad of life.
believe in dreams while living in the present.
find eternity in every moment.
turn a life around.

May the year 2009 be a prosperous and success one to all of us!

Happy New Year friends~

Snapshots (II)

2008-12-31T11:31:00.003+08:00

December 2008 (II)

wetting our pants on the ice rink

the tree and the cousins

A short trip to taiping

Spring cleaning

Snapshots (I)

2008-12-27T09:24:00.010+08:00

December 2008 (I)

shopping at Chowkitt for tahlil

Lunch with mom at Tesco

Meeting up with the Babes on the 26 at MidV

Estrella at RTW 8

Girls at RTW 8; wani, ecah, samen, jana

I thought I've done this actually..

2008-12-23T08:53:00.002+08:00

Seriously, i got nothing to do at home, so, im actually pleasin maschni with this tag

Here are the rules
1. List these rules on your blog.
2. Share 7 facts about yourself on your blog.
3. Tell 6 unspectacular quirks of yours.
4. Tag 7 people at the end of your post by leaving their names as well as links to their blogs.
5. Link the person who tagged you.
6. Leave a comment for each blogger

Facts
1. 19 years old at the moment
2. studying english
3. bakal pendidk bangsa
4. hometown ; ampang
5. used to study in semesti
6. currently studying in kuching sarawak
7. enjoys punk rock

Quirks
1. bad at telling stories (seriously, juicy ones would turn into the most boring one)
2. bile blk dari kelas, i really have to arrange the books in the bag on the desk WITHOUT delay!
3. has to have a blanket to sleep
4. uncomfortable wearing covered shoes without socks
5. talk VERY loudly without even knowing
6. tak tahan pedas, tp sukaaa makan pedas and the challenge that comes with it

Im tagging;
i guess nobody,
coz sumer yg machni da tag, are my frens as well

B)

sigh of the day.

2008-12-17T13:12:00.003+08:00

Im exhausted. Really tired. About everything.

Things dont always go our way. Thats not just a saying. Its fact of life.

We always thought that life is best, at our own control. At our definition of best. Having control of everything, of what to do, and what not to do.

To some, it is best to be left behind, in the darker alley, with some stray cats, rather than enjoying the life that lies ahead, in order to be safe.

The others thought that, we should always enjoy life, despite the possibilities that things would not turn out to be on our side at the end of the day. but yes, preparation should be made, and that involves a whole lot of work. a lot of work indeed.

I hate to say this, but I hate the situation now. I dont know when is it going to end, but I am trying to cope with it. Everything just dont feel right.

But, one thing that is hard to deny is that, I know, letting it go would mean, a whole new life. No one knows whether its going to be better, worst or just the same.

results

2008-12-15T11:47:00.004+08:00

Grace called this morning, telling that we could actually get the results form the SUP.Thanks grace for ending my misery! (congrats for the superbly good results too..)

Alhamdulilah syukur..

Everything turned up to be ok. Better than I expected, I must say. Yea la. The last few days before the exma started, I was like, carzy with movies and my sleeping hours were like over the top. But, this doesnt mean that I didnt study O.K! I did struggle the week before, which made me almost crazy .(I didnt go out, I didnt even go to teh cafeteria = malas + maggi)

Anyways, Im really grateful.

Im going back to kuching this 3rd of Jan...

So, its back to Z.E.R.O..

Alfatihah

2008-12-11T13:03:00.005+08:00

Im sure you know how it feels to lose someone who you really care about. family members and frens that you have loss, definitely does not just dissapear out of your life easily. they leave traces behind.
Bak kata pepatah, "Harimau mati meninggalkan belang, manusia mati meniggalkan nama..".

At the very first week of December 2008, I've lost my uncle. my pakcik. He was my mom's baby brother. The second brother my mom has lost after my Pak Njang. Chik's family and mine's were the closest among the six sibs of my mom's. We'd went to many pplaces together and he was also one of the very first person to bring me to places such as Times Square and Pulau Langkawi.

I still remember for the first time, he brought me to Restaurant Melayu, here in Kl. As a kid , I remeber being facinated by all the cultural performance live, in fornt of my very eyes.

He was also also brought me to the Islamic Art Museum. I had always wanted to go there during my secondary school years, and he fulfilled it.

Living Makcik and 4 children behind(,Amirul (17), Amalina (13), Batrisya (11), and Aliff (4), )I think it is for a good reason; he had suffered too much. I remember one time mama told me that, when CHik came to Kl for treatment, arriving at the airport, he fell at the stairs. He cant walk without someone holding him. Haering this, I can feel the suffering that he felt.

This was really a bomb to me, because, the Chik I used to know, was a strong man. The man who drove from Kedah to Kl and to Singapore single handedly, the man who made people around him laugh too.

A month and an a half before he passed away, mama my my sibs had met him twice, whereas I didnt at all. It feels like a bee came 150km/hour to sting you. Yea, thats how it feels.

As Amirul said after the funeral, "Jangan la bersedih. Mati itu suatu kepastian. Yang hidup pasti akan mati, cuma masanya berbeza..Berdoa'lah kita untuk kesejahteraan Arwah.."

Yellow

2008-12-02T18:14:00.009+08:00

Got tagged by Kak Ryhan

RULES:
1. Put your iTunes, Windows Media Player, etc. on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. You must write that song name down NO MATTER HOW silly it sounds.
4. Put any comments in brackets after the song name.
5. Put this on your journal.

1. If someone says, "Is this okay?" ... you say?
- Jesse McCartney's Just so you know ( Man, am I that straightforward?!)

2. How would you describe yourself?-
- Lily Allen's Smile (I smile.Sadaqah la...)

3. What do you like in a girl?
- Bunkface's Situasi (semalam my small cousin said she likes this song.)

4. How do you feel today?
-Sum41's The Hell Song (Hahah.mcm mind reader jak!)

5.What is your life's purpose?
- She's The One by Robbie William ( Wow! same la..)

6. What is your motto?
- Quizzical by Juliet the Orange(Im a teacher-to-be. My life has a purpose!)

7. What do your friends think of you?
- Coldplay's The Scientist (adoi. Im no genius.)

8. What do you think of your parents?
- Always be My Baby by David Cook (Absolutely!)

9. What do you think about very often?
- Still Waiting -Sum41 (Listen to the lyrics babes. I really do think about them very much.)

10. What is 2 + 2?
- Lifehouse's Blind (all-time fav taw!..ada chemistry)

11. What do you think of your best friend?
- Dido's Here With Me (Always have been.)

12. What do you think of the person you like?
- Killing Me Softly- Lauryn Hill (Hahaha and Adoi.)

13. What is your life story?
- David Archeletta's In this moment (waaaah.live the moment)

14. What do you want to be when you grow up?
- Disposable Garbage- OAG (Im growing actually, already have an ambition)

15. What do you think of when you see the person you like?
- Sum41's In Too Deep (Already have one)

16. What will you dance to at your wedding?
- Spastic Youth-OAG(HAH! try me!)

17. What will they play at your funeral?
- Muse's Unintended (This song should appear in the previous question taw..)

18.What is your hobby/interest?
- Bunkface's High School Rocker (Budak masalah kat skola.Ikot jejak sape?haha)

19. What is your biggest fear?
- Creepy Crawlies by OAG(Heh. Title btol la. tp lyrics tak.)

20. What is your biggest secret?
-Cant Take My Eyes Off of You by Heathe Ledger (the one in '10 Things I hate about you')

21. What do you think of your friends?
- Coldplays' Violet Hill (Favorita)

22. What will you post this as?
-Coldplay's Yellow (Those who hate this song is wierd)

Im tagging :

1. kak AF
2.Grace Huimin
3. Mazni
4. Wafa
5. Yan

24.11.2008

2008-11-24T18:36:00.002+08:00

Ding Dong.
Hello. Im Wani's Pc.
I am now well because I have just had my surgery yesterday. It was an expensive one.
Wani sent me to Low Yatt Hospital for my hdd surgery.
My corrupted hdd has been removed while I was unconsious.
When I woke up last nite, I felt sore in some part of my body.
So, Wani sent me to the experts again.
The second surgery went almost about 2 hours.
Finally, after the surgery ended, even though I felt better than before, I still feel very sad as I have lost some of the best things I've held on to for long time.

sedeyh.
sedeyh.
sedeyh.

mcm nak beli pc baru jer...

19.11.2008

2008-11-19T14:46:00.005+08:00

You know, when we passed the age of braces and training bras, it feels like something really heavy, like a huge rock, has been put on out shoulders. As if, we've been elected to be the president of ourselves which we already are before we pass this phase. and that huge rock and that election is responsibility. Even now, I cannot believe that Im 19 turing 20 next April.

Im not ready to be old.
Old is bad.

Haha. But I like experience that comes along with the age. Mcm matured and I learn more things. Like, bargaining is a good thing. Even if its worth on RM 1 and friends are the people we got kantoi and suspended with.

Yup. And also, with the age, comes great responsibilities. As a child, student, friend and to our own self. Everywhere we go, there will always be one for us. Because it cant be avoided and it doesnt go away. So, lets just face them.

why oh why

2008-11-14T18:42:00.004+08:00

Diba made me wonder about the interview we had in matrix about this course we are taking. The thiing is, the ministry had offered us such course, and they should have known better whether we are capable or not to complete this degree. Some of my friends applied for a different course and they did not get in and as a compensation, they got this course. Like I've said before, the ministry should have known better when they chosed people like us to be in this course. they should have picked the right people to be in this course. And, if they have chosen the right people to attend this course, they should have also helped these people, they should at least gurantee a place for these people in the degree years. I just dont get it. Is it so corrupted that they were unable to make such important decision? I mean, they said that they said that they would have spent half a million on each of us, but things doesnt seem like how it has to be. They were just so greedy and dim-witted that they chose to just 'melepaskan batuk di tangga'.

Yes. I do know the responsibilitis of being a scholar student. It has been agreed upon po mase registration dulu. Even though the result has not been announced yet, everyone feels as if they would fail one subject and that also includes me.Everytime the lecturer spoke to us, it seems like a preparation to be somewhere else next year.

This is like the last day of our foundation and everyone in cluding me feels that we might not see each other next year. Everyone's been saying goodbye, but not me. Everyone must come back next year, so no goodbyes.

Life in kuching has its own down path and heavenly experience. I will never forget any of that.