Living underwater.

tak taw nak boh tajuk per.

akustatik89@yahoo.com (Hazwani) — Wed, 16 Dec 2009 04:39:00 +0000

I envy others
whose smiles seem like rainbows
after a heavy rain.
I envy others with faith
that life has its own mystery
in pulling itself together.

So
I set myself aside
trying to unpuzzle the hidden message.
people said it is.
falling and standing up again.
taking what's important and good
and leaving those nasty things behind.

the future is far ahead.
it's moving nonetheless fast.
and the worst thing is that,
one never know what would be happening.

like Audrey said.
just accept life unconditionally.
and never to expect for it to do anything special for me.
just letting me having it
for this short while
and making it worthwhile.

apa yang penting?

akustatik89@yahoo.com (Hazwani) — Thu, 10 Dec 2009 02:08:00 +0000

the hereafter is the thing that matters the most. perasan tak?

we hear everyday that life is a journey, the destination is what's important. blablabla. itula yang kite salu dengar.

tapi perasan tak, kalau life is just journey, what happens to the things that happen in our life? contohnyer, macam passing the exam, getting a good job or breaking up? apakah semua itu?

yes. indeed, they are just those little things that makes up our life.

which then leads to THE question:

penting ke sumer bende-bende tuh kepada kite?

maksudnyer...see, our aim, our main vision and mission is to get to the destination safely. and again, apakah destination kite? yes. akhirat.

and later in the after life, will the Lord be asking about what you did for your living or who you first broke up with? no, right?

so, ape sebenarnyer yang penting dalam life ni sebenarnyer?

the question is, what is important in this journey of life that would make us happy and insyAllah reach the destination safely?

is it the car that you drive?
is it the person you have a crush with?
is it the clothes that you wear?

see, the destination is like reaching school on a school day. a process.

pagi2 kene bangun and mandi. mase mandi kene sabun, kene gosok gigi.
then, you've to have breakfast. minum milo, makan roti.
after that, you might need to take the bus to school or maybe your parents will take you to school.
so, the bus moves, the car drives. only then, only then you reach the school gate.

macam tuh la jugak hidup ni.

alhamdulillah...

akustatik89@yahoo.com (Hazwani) — Wed, 09 Dec 2009 07:00:00 +0000

Alhamdulillah syukur...I cannot wish for anything better than this. Thanks so much.

docs da siap, jumpe en.zul

akustatik89@yahoo.com (Hazwani) — Mon, 07 Dec 2009 12:29:00 +0000

Owh yeah. /jumping of joy/

I met encik zul today. yela. encik zul as in encik zul la.yang cute tuh :).. menghantar borang2 berkenaan dan brtanya bermcm2 perihal terbang2 ni. He was really nice, and friendly too. as always...:)

He confirmed that we, the people, will go. WILL GO.

Alhamdulillah syukur. :)

Just that, the course that's supposed to be a week,will be shortened to 1 day time. so, sehari jer la... meaning, they'll be more time to lepak with the guys from Borneo. best2...

just in case korang sumr tak taw, aku terhilangkan sumer certs aku yang dulu berada dalam sebuah file ijau. at the moment I dont know where the file is, and thank god, abang ade. abang as in AK ok. dier la yang telah melabur duet minyak motor untuk amik my certs copy from hep...nasib baek la dier ade.....sungguh bnyak prob sejak aku balek kl in..takper la, you have to lose some things to get something in return right...so, aku just go with the floww, do what i'm suppose to do...insyAllah sumer ok kot nt....:)

So, aku da beli a few stuff da. bende2 besar la. for the time being, maybe nak tgk2 dulu barang2. maybe clothing and other stuff. Oh. excited sungguh. I just hope that everything will run well.

fuh.fuh.habuk tebal

akustatik89@yahoo.com (Hazwani) — Mon, 23 Nov 2009 05:57:00 +0000

dah berhabuk blog takder update..
it's not that I didn't have things to share and say. berlambak tapi takder time nak blurt things out.

it's been awhile since the exam passed. gelabah tak ingat walaupon da dekat sebulan exam abes.

semalam, daku gi jume madam ruth kat the gardens. sesi pemberian passport yang aku dengan senang hatinyer bawak balek ari jumaat lepas. patutnyer pasport tuh tinggal kat kuching jer sbb lecturer nak g singapore apply visa untuk kami2 yang baek ni. itulah gamaknyer...tp smlam da setel da la sumernyer.

anyways, disebabkan aku nak balek awal sangat. oramg laen balek sabtu and ahaad,aku jer sorang dok gatal nak balek jumaat, bnyak sgt la prob yang jadi.

1) bank draft kene wat ari tuh jugak
2) uncle kim datang lambat
3) lugage excess dekat 10 kg walaupon limit 25 kg
4) hp tader battery
5) terbawak balek passport
6) salah isi borang visa. thanks to nas, visa aku berjaye diselamatkan :)

at around 12 tadi aku received a short message from mdm ruth saying:

"congrats!u passed. but u need to do a very important document. will talk to you over phone. everybody needs to do a police report urgently to apply visa..."

hati girang!

betol ke kau ni saudare Islam aku?

akustatik89@yahoo.com (Hazwani) — Fri, 23 Oct 2009 10:07:00 +0000

aku tader la baek sangat nak cakap pasal bende ni, tapi aku raser aku kene tulis bende ni untuk tatapan diri sendiri, and lebih bagus dan berpahala bagi aku, kalau hasil tulisan aku ni, dapat jadi pedoman dan teladan untuk orang laen.

memang Malaysia ni, kat ceruk mane ko blajar pon, there will be a muslim crowd, tak 2 orang, sorang la paling skit. and with the existance of this crowd, comes also the responsibilities of being a muslim.

Rasulallah pernah bersabda,
Barang siapa yang tidur nyenyak dan tidak mengambil peduli urusan umat Islam lain, maka ia bukanlah dari golongan mereka.

maksudnyer, tak cukup kalau ko sorang je muslim, sedangkan orang sekeliling ko tak amik peduli. memang tanggungjawab kite, sbb da bersaudara, untuk saling sama2 ingat-mengingati about both kehidupan didunia dan diakhirat. apatha lagi kalau kite da bershaabat baek, satu same laen. tanggungjawab macam tanggungjawab berkomuniti la jugak. contohnyer: you're sharing the toilet with the other 30 occupants of your hostel. mestila nak kene jage kebersihan, jangan tinggal bnde2 yang tak patut, jangan la over sangat gune shower, jangan bazir2 air sbb ni sumer harta yang dikongsi bersama.

Yang laennyer, dengan agame is that, ko memang tak share kubur, tapi nanti akan kene tanyer, ape ko dah buat untuk saudara ko? ape ko da buat untuk agame ko?

kalau your life has truly been about saving your own ass, memang kene la kan. sbb tanggungjawab kite adalah untuk amar ma'aruf nahi mungkar.

memang orang cakap susah la nak amar ma'aruf nahi mungkar ngan orang laen. but really, it can be as little as suruh potong kuku. tak semestinyer nak kene ketuk pintu dari rumah2 ke rumah ajak solat kat masjid.

again aku nak cakap, aku bukanlah baik. tapi aku sedang cube perbaiki diri aku yang agak teruk tika belasan tahun. ceewah!

sorry la kawan2, aku selalu tegur korang striaght jer. aku mengaku memang tak pandai nak beralas2 mulut ni kalau bab agame. Bukan niat nak kepochi, ataupon jeles, tapi aku sendiri memang nak make it clear that Islam da set rules yang cukup untuk kite. bende yang bleh dilonggarkan, dilonggarkan untuk kesenangan kite. and there are also reasons for things should remain the way they are. contohnyer, dah diterangkan trang tang tang, yang aurat laki lutut sampai pusat, ade jugelah yang pakai shorts. aku taknak tunding maner2 sbb kaum kerabat aku pon ade yang cmtuh, and da berbuih da ckp bende ni.

macam aku cakap tadi, tanggungjawab sebagai muslim tuh tetap ade. kalau ditanyer nanti, nak jawab ape? jadi sedar2 la tanggungjawab sendiri.

Aku miss solat magrib and isya' semalam. due to exhaustion yang melampau, aku tido dari 5.30pm lpas solat asar smpai 5.00 am the following day. bangun2 memang raser berdose rase nak nanges la. bukan tak wat alarm. (tapi kan aku da cakap, fon aku da bengong!)...

tapi aku tak salahkan roomate tercinta aku. kenape? sebab dier non-muslim! takkan nak kjut aku solat plak, aku naek malu nanti...but anyhow, aku tak salahkan sape la aku burn solat semalam, salah aku jgk tak cari handphone baru. cewaah! alasan. cis.

so daripade aku yang tak berape nak baek ni, marilah kite same2 menjlnkan tanggungjwb masing2 sbgai seorang muslim akhir zaman yang berlumba-lumba kearah kebaikan. insyAllah. :)

"Kau rase kite fly tak?"

akustatik89@yahoo.com (Hazwani) — Wed, 21 Oct 2009 09:57:00 +0000

Lately, budak2 dok cakap2

"Ko rase kite fly tak?"

Muahahahhah :P

insyAllah, lecturer dah gi wat visa, umah pon tgh in process of booking. dapat ler kot. on one condition, kene la pass with flying colours finals ni. aku exam 2 paper jer kali ni, tapi killer punyer. English language teaching ngan Literature. Susah la bagi aku ngan kwn2 aku.

bak kate Mdme. Angie "Don't give them reasons to not let you in,"

so basically, Im reading Pride and prejudice for stress at the moment. because exam is like less than 2 weeks. not that I haven't read it before, I definitely have. dozens of times. sebab aku suke novel ni. but to tell you the truth, aku bukanlah orang yg particular sgt pasal details in books. maksudnyer, aku bace and bace. tapi sebab aku ceeepat lupe, ni la prob dier. aku tak ngat details yg kecik2 pasal ape yang aku bace dalam 7 minit lalu. so sekarang ni, tengah membaca dengan iltizam, dengan harapan dapat score untuk finals nanti.

Wish me luck and jgn lupe doakan aku ok! Jom menuju kejayan B. Ed Tesol Otago cohort 1!

"Weyh, aku nak amik gambar atas rumput!"

top news of the hour

akustatik89@yahoo.com (Hazwani) — Fri, 16 Oct 2009 14:29:00 +0000

we were in the tv room when diba told us about what she read in the newspapper recently.

about the earth quake in indonesia. there has been 3 quakes recently before today. in the news, it has stated that the actual time of the quakes. they are 17:58, 17:16 and 8:52. Ade ape dengan mase2 ni?...these times, when checked in the tafsir of Al-Quran as according to surahs and verses, leads us to verses which talks about the destruction of ummat.

"Dan tidak ada suatu negeri pun (yang durhaka penduduknya, melainkan Kami binasakannya sebelum Hari Kiamat atau Kami siksa (penduduknya) dengan siksa yang sangat keras. Yang demikian itu telah tertulis di dalam kitab. (Lauh Mahfuz)" -17:58
17, Surah Al-Isra'

"Dan jika Kami hendak membinasakan sesuatu negeri, maka Kami perintahkan kepada orang yang hidup mewah di negeri itu (agar mentaati Allah), tetapi bila mereka melakukan kedurhakaan di dalam (negeri) itu, maka sepantaslah berlakunya terhadapnya perkataan (hukuman Kami), kemudian Kami binasakan sama sekali (negeri itu)." -17:16
16, Surah Al-Isra'

"(Keadaan mereka) serupa dengan keadaan pengikut Fir'aun dan orang-orang sebelum mereka. Mereka mengingkari ayat2 Allah, maka Allah menyiksa mereka disebabkan oleh dosa-dosanya. Sungguh Allah Maha Kuat lagi sangat keras siksanya" -8:52
52, Surah Al-Anfal

After we were being told, immediately after that, the news on TV 3 announced the latest earth quake that happened today at 04:52. terus kitorang bukak tafsir balik.

"Mereka itulah orang-orang yang dilaknat Allah. Dan barang siapa yang dilaknat Allah, nescaya engkau tidak akan mendapatkan penolongan baginya." -4:52
52, Surha An-Nisa'

Naek bulu roma sampai kepale. So what do you think?

Petunjuk Allah ade dimane2. Al-Quran da beri bukti yang terang, sah lagi crystal. (apakah). nabi pon da cakap, semuanya da lg benderang diceritakan dulu..tpi kite manusia still lalai.

What would happen if the Resurrection day happens to be tonight, just before you have your godd nite sleep? Mampukah kite mase tuh nak persiapkan diri?

Therefore, berubahlah. Maseh ade mase. Kiamat tuh, Allah sahaja yang tahu. tapi that does not meani that we should just let it be. Memang hidayah Allah berikan kepada sesiapa yang dikehendaki. But, you've to think too that, Allah akan berikan hidayah kepade orang2 yang berusahe jugak because He too, wants to see us happy alongside his teachings.

takkan nak tunggu kene cam kat indon baru nak sedar?

Allah's everywhere. Carilah Dia, and cherish Him through the prayers and dua's and zikirs.

Another thing is, kalau ade maksiat dalam satu community tuh, Allah akan turunkan bala.not just onto those who commit the sins, but also to those "good" people in the community. Sekali lum sum. Sebab ape? those people did not play their role in stopping the maksiat from continuing. tak berusahe untuk stoppan maksiat tuh. That was what actually happened in Indon, I think. That it has become a nation that changes Islamic teachings completely. Mengubah agama Allah, kompem2 la Allah murka. So they have to face what they deserve from their own actions. too bad.

Sebab tuh la, kite wajib berdakwah. Amar ma'aruf,nahi mungkar. tak gune ade sorang jer baek dalam masyarakat. Selfish namenyer. The same goes to orang yang berusahe tapi, other people stil refuse to follow the real teachings of Islam. kene usahe lebey sikit kan. Even time Rasulullah dulu pon, mule2 beliau ditentang habis habisan,tapi in the end, Alhamdulillah, look at where Islam is today.

Sorry la, aku memang suke membebel.

daku buhsan.

akustatik89@yahoo.com (Hazwani) — Mon, 12 Oct 2009 08:50:00 +0000

1. rasa mcm nak beli turtle. sangat cute. geram
2. just bought a new book. a new book, for a new person. will give it when the right time comes.
3. and oh yeah, just got myself a new lappy.meet weewien mase raye arituh. orang shopping baju, aku laptop hunting!
........................

p/s: selamber je aku ni. malam ni da la exam titas. bace pon tak abes.

jodoh yang terbaeeek

akustatik89@yahoo.com (Hazwani) — Wed, 07 Oct 2009 03:25:00 +0000

Hello again. Baru jer wat entry pasal my BFF which is the one before this post.

Lately, I've not been consistent in the amalans that I've been doing over 2 months before. the inconsistency is very severe that I feel very different now. sedeyh pon ade, but insyAlllah after the assignments are handed in this friday, which means, I am free, free,free from the torture of the assignments, I will start to continue and catch up what I have left behind for almost a week.

It'll be an outright lie if one says that he or she never talks or even thinks about getting married. memang tipu gile la kan.

So, lately, memang asyik fikir pasal kawen la kan. (memang gatal, but it's normal for girls in the twenties to be having this kind of thoughts. haha). Bile fikir2 balek, Ya Rabbi, da besor panjang da sebenarnyer. Mom always say that " Mama umor macam awak ni, da keje da ". Well, mom, memang wani tgh keje pon, still in training jer. :)

Ok. its normal for us to have some kind of expectation of how we want out future spuse to be. Typical girls would want tall dark and handsome . Normal la kan.

"Aku nak tinggi la kan, sebab aku pon tak berape nak tinggi"

"Aku nak muke cam Remy Ishak. Gelap2 sikit. Cam Ken***y tuh la best. Macho tuh, gelap2, muke masculine. Jambu2 ni, kureng skit"

"Meet my future husband, Jesse McCartney!" -sungguh tak bleh blah. :))

"Aku nak orang yang scholar petronas, keje kat KLCC.hehe. Kalau dpt bonus setengah tahun, almost rm30 k tuh. feh feh feh..."

however, we've to always bear in mind that we are not always in control of things. for example, the dreams of haveing those A++ qualities in our future husbands. In fact, people said, the more you want something, the further you'll be from it. So, the best thing is to pray for the best. Minta dikurniakan yang terbaek untuk diri for only He knows what is best for us.

Yela, kadang2 those good looking man pon banyak probnyer. Because they are good looking, there will be people who will be jealous of the marriage that you guys will be having. Karang ade la probnyer. Fitnah, frequent quarrels and sometimes, the marriage could also leads to separation, walaupon baru jer kawen. Susah dowh.

But this does not mean that not-so good looking guys are all nice and good...ade jugak la yang gatal tak bleh blah, mate kernajang and pantang nmpak perempuan terus nak naek daun. And this does not also means that all handsome guys gatal. It all comes back to their Iman.

I believe that, wherever we go, we will always return to our root, our religion. And I strongly believe that when the root is strong, insyAllah everyhting will be fine. Smooth.

But to find these people of good roots, os another big problem.

the other day dibah told me about to Hafiz-s who are hired to be the Imams during the Ramadhan. Hafiz A was a responsible young man who did his job. Hafiz B on the other hand, only came and did his job on the first 2 weeks of ramadhan. So,when the pay day reached, Hafiz A was paid rm1000, while Hafiz B was only paid rm500.

tersebutla kesah, these two Hafizs live under one roof. And on the last day when they were leaving, Hafiz left the house first, followed by Hafiz A. When Hafiz A reached home, he was very excited to show his mother the money that he has gotten from his first job. Tengok2, bukak2 beg, the money was gone. Being suspicious to Hafiz B, Hafiz A tried calling him several times to ask him about the money. However, he was totally M.I.A.

Moral of the story, tak sumer yang ader basic agama ni baek. Bak kate dibah, lately, being a Hafiz these days is not anymore Lillahi ta'ala. Instead it has become a trend who knows where it come from. Astaghfirullah hal'azim.

Jadi, nak cari jodoh, the best way is to refer to your parents. Kalau ade yang nak masuk merisik, eloklah refer tros kat mak. InsyaAllah, everything will be ok. And if it doesn't, always remember that Allah has His plans lined up for us. Yang kita sangka buruk, mungkin is the best for us.

Wallahu'alam

Either way, always pray for the best for He listens to everything that we say. InsyAllah akan diperkenankan. Ameen.

atiqah ruhaizad

akustatik89@yahoo.com (Hazwani) — Wed, 07 Oct 2009 02:57:00 +0000

I have been very, very, very busy lately. I bet you all knew this from the spiders I've reared for since after raya. horrible. horrible. actually, after eid,when I got back to Kuching, I was to hand in almost 7 assgmnets on the following week. But, Allah has been very kind, ade lecturer yang kasi extension for the assignments. So here I am, doin my assignment.

After numbers of sleepless nights, tinggal dua assignment jer yang tinggal. Alhamdulillah. and those two assignments are to be handed in this friday. Ade mase lg. :)

But anyways, last night was the worst. Tak tido is one thing, the other thing was this morning, I was like totally dysfunctional. Felik jugak sbb, it's not like I've never miss my sleep pon. Oh, maybe because yesterday I went out with riby. Oh, yeah again, yesterday was riby's birthday!

Happy Birthday sayang

Best jugak jalan semalam even though balek hostel wat keje cam nak **** jer..

But anyways, happy 20th birthday, may the coming years be more fulfilling and memorable

Nurul Atiqah Binti Ruhaizad

*seindah hiasan adalah wainta solehah*

Raye budak KL

akustatik89@yahoo.com (Hazwani) — Wed, 23 Sep 2009 17:09:00 +0000

this raya is not what I have expected. I mean, I did expect for it to be like waaaaaaay boring, but not as BBBOOORRRIIINGGG as this! Memang tak raye pon sebenanyer, in fact, if it wasn't for Jalan Tar and Angah's rendang, it wouldn't feel like raya at all. Memang tader langsung.

1st day of raya:
was at home, a lot of TV-watching, went to Mak Lang's place.

2nd day of raya:
a lot of TV-watching;again, went for a movie, The Curve

3rd day of raya:
tengok tv lagiiiii, went to Sunway Pyramid, bowling, shopping...blablabla

4th day of raya:
had fever early in the morning, ok when it was almost petang, off to KLIA menghantar amirul who was leaving for russia, then mamak kejap..

5th day of raya:
which is now. Buat ape sekarang? ...Arini nak wat makan2. tapi petang skit. jemput dataaaaang, agar dapat menghilangkan my ultimate raya boredom... ok geng?

Changes, Ramadhan and Grief.

akustatik89@yahoo.com (Hazwani) — Wed, 16 Sep 2009 11:37:00 +0000

Kali ni memang reall nyer sdeyh. Teramat-amat sedeh patik kali ni. Nak menyatakan hasrat hati, tak kesampaian atas sebab2 tertentu. Inilah kelemahan seorang perempuan.

Normally, after finishing the tarawikh and before performing the witirs, we would have a tzkirah session, normally given by the imam of the day. Yesterday, a good firnd of mine was the imam and he had given a very good tazkirah.

Pasal Ramdhan yang nak melangkah meninggalkan kita ni.

I don't remember what he had said, but I remember it being about how we should do'a that all our ibadah will be accepted by Him, that we should follow the anbia's footsteps of doa-ing even after Ramadhan ends that our ibadah will be accepted by Him. Sebab bulan Ramadhan ni kan bulan yang penuh barakath, baaanyak pahala yang kite boleh dapat through the little things that we do everyday within this month.

Teringat jugak Shaufi did say about kite sbagai manusia kene selalu beringat yang ibadah dalam bulan2 laen pon patut diteruskan sebagaimana kita telah beribadat pada bulan Ramadhan. That semua kebaikan yang kita lakukan pada bulan ni, semua perubahan ke arah kebaikan yang telah dimulakan pada bulan ini, perlulah diteruskan. *peringatan untuk diri sendiri*. Bila kita berubah ke arah kebaikan, berusaha untuk berubah kearah kebaikan, melawan hawa nafsu dan pandangan orang sekeliling yang senget tuh, sebernanya, kita sedang berjihad ke jalan Allah. Dan, insyAllah, jalan jihad itu akan mudah. Ameen.

I think I've gotten loads of things since the beginning of Ramadhan. Tak tahu macam maner Ia datang, tapi yang pasti, ia adalah dari Allah. For He gives to whoever that He wants, whenever He wants it.

Alhamdullilah, setakat ni, I still manage to comprehend the changes that I've decided to take on. And Alhamdulliah, memang ade ketenangan disebalik semua ni. Segala puji bagi Allah yang memberi kelapangan kepada hati dan minda.

Memang Ramadhan kali ni, is more fulfilling in comparison to the ones that I've had before. Again, praise to Allah. Syukur!

another 4 days, and there goes Ramadhan. jadi, manfaatkanlah the final days we have left. Kalau boleh tarawikh, pegi la k. Kalau boleh puasa, puasa lah. Kalau boleh membaca Al-quran, maka bacalah.

We do not know whether or not we're able to meet Ramadhan again. Tak tahu sama ada, this time of the year again next year, we will have Ramadhan. Jadi manfaatkanlah hadiah ramadhan Allah ni kepada kita. Walaupon ia sudah pon nak berakhir, there's still time.

Aku pon bukan baek sangat. Tapi kalau boleh, nak masuk golongan yang baek. Nak berusaha jadi yang baek, sebab ini pon jihad jugak. Memang susah, tak senang BUT what is exactly easy in this world kan? However, believe in Him, that He would make things easier, that even if it is hard, the journye is tough and full of Hantus, it will, in the end, get easier and less painful. No, not less painful, it'll be as sweet as sugar or even sweeter. Ganjaran Allah yang tiada tolak bandingnya.

Semoga kita mendapat hidayah, ianayah dan barakath bulan Ramadhan. Ameen.

membebel and blabbering

akustatik89@yahoo.com (Hazwani) — Mon, 14 Sep 2009 22:49:00 +0000

In the name of Allah the most gracious, the merciful.

I enjoy blabbering.

Little that we know that one day,
that one very day
we will feel lost.
Not because we are in the middle of nowhere.
but the fact that we do not have the answer
of how the heck we end up being at the place where we are at that very moment.

You do not have the guts to let go,
because again,
you're too chicken that you wouldn't have anyone to catch you when you fall
But that is just what you think.
Not others.
Anyhow, it's not like you're going to hold it for more than 5 minutes anyway
(even if you do want it be longer, somehow, it doesnt feel like it's going to happen. pathetic sungguh!)
so just let go.

.....

I' received a message from a senior of mine maser kat SEMESTI.
It was a message of encouragement and motivatioand congratulation.
All 3 in 1.
Which has made time waaaaay positive that
I've made the right choice,
I've chosen the right path for myself.

ZERO regrets!

Kenape tak takut?

akustatik89@yahoo.com (Hazwani) — Fri, 11 Sep 2009 05:09:00 +0000

In the name of Allah,

I dont know whether you guys notice this, but we very oftenly, get scared of things. ade yang scared of the dark, ade yang scared of frogs, ade yang scared of lightnings and rains and ade jugak yang cuak bile lecturer tanyer soklan. Sampai ade yang dok ketaq lutut.

Ade perasan x?

Kadang2, ade yang to the extent of terkencing sluar, menipu and even asking other people to lie for us. Sanggup libatkan orang laen untuk save your own ass.

Within 5 months, insyAllah, I would be flying over to NZ and for me, that's scary. No no, not the flying part, the part where I've to be in a totally different environment, where the major population is not from my tanah tumpah darahku, Malaysia.

The day before yesterday, we had a class meeting with one of the lecturer from our uni, nicola. And everyone was like asking all sorts of questions about the uni and otago, the country town itself. Many interestung questions were posted and we received even more interesting answers from her.

(Just an info, Otago has one of the steepest road in the world, which makes the town, one of the steepest too. Just imagine how the flats there look like. this doesnt have anything to do with the post ok.)

Then, when I told a person about this, about how scared I am and how bad it will be when I'm there, that person said,

" Jangan la takut. Kalau pandai jage diri, insyAllah semua akan ok. Takut tu hanya untuk Allah jer..."

After I got this reply, terdiam terus. Tak pernak terfikir pon ape yang saudara ni fikir. Memang takut dengan Allah, tapi tak pernah nak fikir in the way he does. I guess what I'm trying to say here is only Allah deserves the word 'takut' and any other words that have the same meaning. And that we shouldn't associate the word to any other creature of His.

Bile manusie da takut, we tend to resort to all sorts of things. Ade yang -ve, ade yang +ve. Sekarang nak cite yang -ve tuh. Sungguh, memang kite tak ingat or even fikir that we are being watched everyday, every second without fail. Padahal, our life is being recorded. Something like video camera, but it's more sophisticated.

Kenape kite still buat bende2 ni kalau kite da taw salah?
Kenape kite still buat bende2 ni kalau kite taw Allah is watching?

One definite answer.

Kite tak takut dengan Allah.

Kenape tak takut?

Sebaba kite tak nampak Allah. Sebab dose pahale tak nampak. Sebab ganjaran hukuman Allah tak dapat terus. Padahal ni sumer Rukun Iman. Percaya kepada Allah, Percaya kepada perkara2 ghaib.

Bile kite tak percaye rukun iman, what does it make us? I leave that to you to ponder.

The third week of ramadhan

akustatik89@yahoo.com (Hazwani) — Fri, 11 Sep 2009 04:17:00 +0000

Althought several assignment have been sent last week, there are 2 left and those 2 need to be handed in next week. sigek monday, sigek gik friday kot. (pandei x kmk klaka? :))

Intially, at the beginning of the week, I was really, really not at ease. somehow, tak sedap hati yang melampau.

But as things progress, I managed to spill those beans that had almost grow inside of me to the persons related. And so, the prob was solved. :))

Sedar tak seadr, we are almost reaching the end of Ramadhan. Harini da the 21 hari puasa, and Alhamdulillah, setakat ni masih full lagi puasa. Tak dapat nak gambarkan betape happy-nyer dapat pose full.

As I expected, Ramadhan kali ni memang diff than the previous ones that I've gone through. Somehow, it is more fulfiling, more meaningful. Mama's absence has definitely leave some marks but, I am still able to continue college life as usual. Maybe du'a mama kat Tanah Suci termakbul kot. Untuk semua anak2Nya jadi anak yang soleh. Ameen. :)

ape la significant pics ni? saye pon tak taw

breaking point.

akustatik89@yahoo.com (Hazwani) — Mon, 07 Sep 2009 23:16:00 +0000

Sudah setengah hari kulewati dengan begini - kakiku terlipat sehingga lutut ini menyentuh daguku. Sekuat tenaga kubenamkan wajahku diantara tangan dan kakiku. Tanganku semakin dingin dan getaran sedari tadi tak juga berhenti.

Entah berapa banyak air mata yang kukeluarkan sejak tadi. Isak tangis pun parau bukannya berhenti tapi semakin menjadi. Sesekali kupandangi layar handphone yang tergeletak di dekat kakiku. Pandanganku kabur namun jelas tak ada sms ataupun telepon yang masuk.Bagaimana ada orang setega dirinya? Mengapa ada orang bodoh yang rela menangisinya?

p/s: are you kidding me? this isn't mine. got it somewhere from the net.

at 2.54 a.m on cass's birthday!

akustatik89@yahoo.com (Hazwani) — Wed, 02 Sep 2009 18:46:00 +0000

Bismillah hirrahman nirrahim.

...........

Happy birthday, roomate!

One more year of exictance down the drain!

Happy getting old, Cassie!

...........

look at the time. sangat lambat.

at the moment, im doing my assignment with nas. and for a break, (and to keep me awake), i decided to eat maggi. yes. memang da craving pon. lame dah. and yes, mcm tak tidur la malam ni kan...

that's all. berhabuk blog tak update dkat smggu.

tunggu jap yer. I've loads of assignments to be handed in in these 2 weeks. tunggu jap jer, and I have loads of stuff to tell.

including the story about my big boss. major problem with the big boss. hugantic.

Salam Ramadhan!
Fiamanalillah. :)

Solat & Puasa

akustatik89@yahoo.com (Hazwani) — Tue, 25 Aug 2009 02:02:00 +0000

This issue occured to me after I visited sis Raihan's FB.

"Kenape ade muslimin dan muslimat yang puasa but does not perform the 5 daily prayers in the month of Ramadhan ".

Something for us to ponder. Im not saying that we should judge people, but it's just something that I think never occured to our minds.

Solat kewajipan yang pertama. Rukun Islam yang pertama. Which should be performed everyday, without exceptions- except for the ladies la kan. To the sick, Allah dah permudahkan kehidupan kite. Rukhsah solat. Boleh duduk, boleh baring.

But somehow, when Ramadhan arrives, everyone's like soooo bising about fasting, tapi solat ditnggal2kan.. Memang puasa is one of the 5 pillars of Islam, tapi, kite kene ingat, dalam mase kte puase tuh, kite kene solat. Solat kan dah diwajibkan. Year round.

Bulan puasa ni adalah bulan yang terbaik. Semua kebaikan boleh dimulakan dalam bulan ni, dari sekecil-kecil zarah. InsyAllah, kalau niat baik, Allah akan tolong. Cepat dipermudahkan segala sesuatu yang kite ingat susah. Jadi, berniatlah dan berubahlah untuk sesuatu yang lebih baik. Bermula dengan Ramadhan ini. Maseh ade kesempatan lagi. InsyAllah, akan di permudahkan.

إِنَّ اللَّهَ لاَ يُغَيِّرُ مَا بِقَوْمٍ حَتَّى يُغَيِّرُوا مَا بِأَنفُسِهِمْ
"Surely Allåh changes not the condition of a people, until they change their own condition."

chunks from Al-Ra'd:11

Pemilik cinta - Fatimah Syarha

akustatik89@yahoo.com (Hazwani) — Mon, 24 Aug 2009 06:00:00 +0000

Yesterday, went ot midV with angah. Just to lepka2 and get the problem off our minds. Then, I remember a friend asking me to find a book for him. So, to MPH i head. -macam yoda.

Before I talk about the book, let me first talk about the writer. Since she's a friend of my sister, my sister got some insides about her.

Beliau memang dibesarkan dalam family yang bagus2. Maybe that's why she is who she is today.

One of her friends once said that, dulu maser skola, dier sangat menjge her interaction with her classmates. Males especially. Kalau bdk2 yang agak social, beliau akan approach dengan perwatakan yang palng lembut walaupon she knows that she wouldnt get the same treatment in return. Beliau sangat lemah lembut. Bukan sekadar di skolah, di matrix and U pon same.

In short, she is an idol of a real muslimah. Sebab tuh jugak a agaknyer, she has been given a gift from Allah, a good husband and kemanisan hidup berumah tangga. Bacalh buku ni k. Highly recommended.

Harapan Ramadhan

akustatik89@yahoo.com (Hazwani) — Thu, 20 Aug 2009 22:10:00 +0000

Bismillah hirrahman nirrahim.

Yaa Allah

Jadikanlah puasaku sebagai puasa orang-orang yang benar-benar berpuasa. Dan ibadah malamku sebagai ibadah orang-orang yang benar-benar melakukan ibadah malam. Dan jagalah aku dari tidurnya orang-orang yang lalai. Hapuskanlah dosaku ... Wahai Tuhan sekalian alam, ampunilah aku, Wahai Pengampun pembuat dosa.

Yaa Allah

Hiasilah diriku dengan penutup dan kesucian. Tutupilah diriku dengan pakaian qana'ah dan kerelaan. Tempatkanlah aku di atas jalan keadilan dan sikap tulus. Amankanlah diriku dari setiap yang aku takuti dengan penjagaan-MU, Wahai penjaga orang-orang yang takut.

Yaa Allah

Berikanlah kekuatan kepadaku, untuk menegakkan perintah-perintah-MU, dan berilah aku manisnya berzikir mengingat-MU. Berilah aku kekuatan untuk menunaikan syukur kepada-MU, dengan kemuliaan- MU. Dan jagalah aku dengan penjagaan-MU dan perlindungan-MU, Wahai dzat Yang Maha Melihat.

Yaa Allah

Janganlah Engkau hinakan aku kerana perbuatan maksiat terhadap-MU, dan janganlah Engkau pukul aku dengan balasan-MU. Jauhkanlah aku dari hal-hal yang dapat menyebabkan kemurkaan-MU, dengan anugerah dan bantuan-MU, Wahai puncak keinginan orang-orang yang berkeinginan!

Yaa Allah

Sediakanlah untukku sebahagian dri rahmat-MU yang luas, dan berikanlah aku petunjuk kepada ajaran- ajaran-MU yang terang, dan bimbinglah aku menuju kepada kerelaan-MU yang penuh dengan kecintaan-MU, Wahai harapan orang-orang yang rindu.

Yaa Allah

Bukakanlah bagiku pintu-pintu sorga dan tutupkanlah bagiku pintu-pintu neraka, dan berikanlah kemampuan padaku untuk membaca AI-Quran Wahai Penurun ketenangan di dalam hati orang-orang Mu'min.

Yaa Allah

Rezekikanlah kepadaku keutamaan Lailatul Qadr, dan ubahlah perkara-perkaraku yang sulit mnjadi mudah. Terimalah permintaan maafku, dan hapuskanlah dosa dan kesalahanku, Wahai Yang Maha Penyayang terhadap hamba- hambanya yang soleh.

Yaa Allah

Sucikanlah aku dari dosa-dosa, dan bersihkanlah diriku dari segala aib. Tanamkanlah
ketaqwaan di dalam hatiku, Wahai Penghapus kesalahan onang-orang yang berdosa.

Yaa Allah

Jadikanlah puasaku disertai dengan syukur dan penerima di atas jalan keredhaan-MU dan keredhaan Rasul. Cabang-cabangnya kokoh dan kuat berkat pokok-pokoknya, Demi kenabian Mohammad dan keluarganya yang suci, dan segala puji bagi Allah Tuhan sekalian alam.

Yaa Allah,

Permudahkan segala urusan ibuku untuk bertemu denganMu. Aku mohon agar engkau merahmati segala urusan inuku di tanah suci Mu. Jangan Engaku biarkan nasib kami ditentukan oleh diri maki sendiri. Sebaliknya, Engkau tunjukkan dan bawalah kami ke jalan keredhaanMu.

Amin Yaa Rabbal 'Alamin!

p/s: It has only been a day, no less than a day, da rindu. :(

Pep talk for Ramadhan

akustatik89@yahoo.com (Hazwani) — Wed, 19 Aug 2009 10:40:00 +0000

In the name of Lord, The Most Gracious, The Most Merciful.

Just want to share the little bit of ilmu I have. Tazkirah kecil.

Bukanlah puasa itu (hanya) menahan diri dari makan dan minum. Sebaliknya ia juga harus tertahan dari perkara lagha dan lucah. Apabila kamu dimaki atau diperbodohkan, berkatalah "AKU BERPUASA".

(riwayat Ibn Khuzaimah dan al-Hakim / Sahih al-Targhib 1068)

I just want to wish everyone, Selamat Menyambut Ramadhan!

Ramadhan is getting very close. Bulan yang ditunggu-tunggu has finally arrived! :)
Somehow, I get very excited when talking about Ramadhan. Even though mama wouldnt be in My for the whole month and the first days of raya, I think everything would turn out well. Mama, insyAllah will be ok there with Auntie Husna and my sisters and my BIG bro and I myself will be ok jugak kot. that's the spirit!

Banyak azam nak ditunaikan ni. Frankly, I've never really had any azam for the previous Ramadhans. Tapi tahun ni, tetibe jer ade azam. Maturity comes and so does those enthusiasm. :)

Anyways, I've been reading Saifulislam's blog recently. Banyak nasihat semperna Ramadhan ni. Untuk kawan-kawan yang still blum ready for ramadhan, why don't you read his blog to make urself ready physically and mentally.

Lately, I have lost the tranquility, the peacefulness I used to have before. Maknanyer da lalai la ni! I've to get back on track. Ingatla,

Jika engkau mencintai bunga

Sedarlah engkau bunga itu akan layu

Jika engkau cintakan manusia

Sedarlah suatu hari dia akan pergi

Jika engkau mencintai harta

Harta itu nanti kau akan tinggalkan

Jika engkau cintakan Ilahi

Hanya Dia akan kekal abadi.

-credit to Soutul Wardah-

Ingatan kepada diri sendiri,

Submission to Him is no.1
The others can come after that.

School isn't that bad :)

akustatik89@yahoo.com (Hazwani) — Mon, 17 Aug 2009 20:30:00 +0000

St. Thomas's Primary School.

An all-boys school.

The boys were noisy but it was a really great experience.

See you boys in 3 years time!

I feel...

akustatik89@yahoo.com (Hazwani) — Sat, 15 Aug 2009 08:23:00 +0000

Lately I've been having this feeling. Susah nak describe cmner cause I have been looking for the correct adj for it, but there seemed to be none. In the end, I just ignore the whole thing by doing something else. But at times like this, bile teringat balek bende2 cmtuh, those feeling sort of like flew back to me. Like now.

*One message received*

"Boss.."

Then those feelings, which have lingered for quite a while, somewhat disappeared.

A change can be felt to have taken place.

Bukan sayang
Bukan la suke.

Something else.

Is it anger?
Is it suspicion?

Susah nak interpret or find words suitable for it. All I can say is that, it is something unpleasant.

Let these feelings return to where it should be.

Current readings.

akustatik89@yahoo.com (Hazwani) — Fri, 14 Aug 2009 15:52:00 +0000

Khalid Memburu Syahid - Abdul Latip Talib

I know this much true - Wally Lamb

Tunggu Teduh Dulu - Faisal Tehrani

Im finishing the 1st by this week, the 2nd one maybe in mid sept and will only start the 3rd one after finishing the first two. tak sabar nak bace the third one! (walaupon assignment banyak menggunung) :))