Living underwater.

this raya is not what I have expected. I mean, I did expect for it to be like waaaaaaay boring, but not as BBBOOORRRIIINGGG as this! Memang tak raye pon sebenanyer, in fact, if it wasn't for Jalan Tar and Angah's rendang, it wouldn't feel like raya at all. Memang tader langsung.

1st day of raya:
was at home, a lot of TV-watching, went to Mak Lang's place.

2nd day of raya:
a lot of TV-watching;again, went for a movie, The Curve

3rd day of raya:
tengok tv lagiiiii, went to Sunway Pyramid, bowling, shopping...blablabla

4th day of raya:
had fever early in the morning, ok when it was almost petang, off to KLIA menghantar amirul who was leaving for russia, then mamak kejap..

5th day of raya:
which is now. Buat ape sekarang? ...Arini nak wat makan2. tapi petang skit. jemput dataaaaang, agar dapat menghilangkan my ultimate raya boredom... ok geng?

Kali ni memang reall nyer sdeyh. Teramat-amat sedeh patik kali ni. Nak menyatakan hasrat hati, tak kesampaian atas sebab2 tertentu. Inilah kelemahan seorang perempuan.

Normally, after finishing the tarawikh and before performing the witirs, we would have a tzkirah session, normally given by the imam of the day. Yesterday, a good firnd of mine was the imam and he had given a very good tazkirah.

Pasal Ramdhan yang nak melangkah meninggalkan kita ni.

I don't remember what he had said, but I remember it being about how we should do'a that all our ibadah will be accepted by Him, that we should follow the anbia's footsteps of doa-ing even after Ramadhan ends that our ibadah will be accepted by Him. Sebab bulan Ramadhan ni kan bulan yang penuh barakath, baaanyak pahala yang kite boleh dapat through the little things that we do everyday within this month.

Teringat jugak Shaufi did say about kite sbagai manusia kene selalu beringat yang ibadah dalam bulan2 laen pon patut diteruskan sebagaimana kita telah beribadat pada bulan Ramadhan. That semua kebaikan yang kita lakukan pada bulan ni, semua perubahan ke arah kebaikan yang telah dimulakan pada bulan ini, perlulah diteruskan. *peringatan untuk diri sendiri*. Bila kita berubah ke arah kebaikan, berusaha untuk berubah kearah kebaikan, melawan hawa nafsu dan pandangan orang sekeliling yang senget tuh, sebernanya, kita sedang berjihad ke jalan Allah. Dan, insyAllah, jalan jihad itu akan mudah. Ameen.

I think I've gotten loads of things since the beginning of Ramadhan. Tak tahu macam maner Ia datang, tapi yang pasti, ia adalah dari Allah. For He gives to whoever that He wants, whenever He wants it.

Alhamdullilah, setakat ni, I still manage to comprehend the changes that I've decided to take on. And Alhamdulliah, memang ade ketenangan disebalik semua ni. Segala puji bagi Allah yang memberi kelapangan kepada hati dan minda.

Memang Ramadhan kali ni, is more fulfilling in comparison to the ones that I've had before. Again, praise to Allah. Syukur!

another 4 days, and there goes Ramadhan. jadi, manfaatkanlah the final days we have left. Kalau boleh tarawikh, pegi la k. Kalau boleh puasa, puasa lah. Kalau boleh membaca Al-quran, maka bacalah.

We do not know whether or not we're able to meet Ramadhan again. Tak tahu sama ada, this time of the year again next year, we will have Ramadhan. Jadi manfaatkanlah hadiah ramadhan Allah ni kepada kita. Walaupon ia sudah pon nak berakhir, there's still time.

Aku pon bukan baek sangat. Tapi kalau boleh, nak masuk golongan yang baek. Nak berusaha jadi yang baek, sebab ini pon jihad jugak. Memang susah, tak senang BUT what is exactly easy in this world kan? However, believe in Him, that He would make things easier, that even if it is hard, the journye is tough and full of Hantus, it will, in the end, get easier and less painful. No, not less painful, it'll be as sweet as sugar or even sweeter. Ganjaran Allah yang tiada tolak bandingnya.

Semoga kita mendapat hidayah, ianayah dan barakath bulan Ramadhan. Ameen.

In the name of Allah the most gracious, the merciful.

I enjoy blabbering.

Little that we know that one day,
that one very day
we will feel lost.
Not because we are in the middle of nowhere.
but the fact that we do not have the answer
of how the heck we end up being at the place where we are at that very moment.

You do not have the guts to let go,
because again,
you're too chicken that you wouldn't have anyone to catch you when you fall
But that is just what you think.
Not others.
Anyhow, it's not like you're going to hold it for more than 5 minutes anyway
(even if you do want it be longer, somehow, it doesnt feel like it's going to happen. pathetic sungguh!)
so just let go.

.....

I' received a message from a senior of mine maser kat SEMESTI.
It was a message of encouragement and motivatioand congratulation.
All 3 in 1.
Which has made time waaaaay positive that
I've made the right choice,
I've chosen the right path for myself.

ZERO regrets!

In the name of Allah,

I dont know whether you guys notice this, but we very oftenly, get scared of things. ade yang scared of the dark, ade yang scared of frogs, ade yang scared of lightnings and rains and ade jugak yang cuak bile lecturer tanyer soklan. Sampai ade yang dok ketaq lutut.

Ade perasan x?

Kadang2, ade yang to the extent of terkencing sluar, menipu and even asking other people to lie for us. Sanggup libatkan orang laen untuk save your own ass.

Within 5 months, insyAllah, I would be flying over to NZ and for me, that's scary. No no, not the flying part, the part where I've to be in a totally different environment, where the major population is not from my tanah tumpah darahku, Malaysia.

The day before yesterday, we had a class meeting with one of the lecturer from our uni, nicola. And everyone was like asking all sorts of questions about the uni and otago, the country town itself. Many interestung questions were posted and we received even more interesting answers from her.

(Just an info, Otago has one of the steepest road in the world, which makes the town, one of the steepest too. Just imagine how the flats there look like. this doesnt have anything to do with the post ok.)

Then, when I told a person about this, about how scared I am and how bad it will be when I'm there, that person said,

" Jangan la takut. Kalau pandai jage diri, insyAllah semua akan ok. Takut tu hanya untuk Allah jer..."

After I got this reply, terdiam terus. Tak pernak terfikir pon ape yang saudara ni fikir. Memang takut dengan Allah, tapi tak pernah nak fikir in the way he does. I guess what I'm trying to say here is only Allah deserves the word 'takut' and any other words that have the same meaning. And that we shouldn't associate the word to any other creature of His.

Bile manusie da takut, we tend to resort to all sorts of things. Ade yang -ve, ade yang +ve. Sekarang nak cite yang -ve tuh. Sungguh, memang kite tak ingat or even fikir that we are being watched everyday, every second without fail. Padahal, our life is being recorded. Something like video camera, but it's more sophisticated.

Kenape kite still buat bende2 ni kalau kite da taw salah?
Kenape kite still buat bende2 ni kalau kite taw Allah is watching?

One definite answer.

Kite tak takut dengan Allah.

Kenape tak takut?

Sebaba kite tak nampak Allah. Sebab dose pahale tak nampak. Sebab ganjaran hukuman Allah tak dapat terus. Padahal ni sumer Rukun Iman. Percaya kepada Allah, Percaya kepada perkara2 ghaib.

Bile kite tak percaye rukun iman, what does it make us? I leave that to you to ponder.

Althought several assignment have been sent last week, there are 2 left and those 2 need to be handed in next week. sigek monday, sigek gik friday kot. (pandei x kmk klaka? :))

Intially, at the beginning of the week, I was really, really not at ease. somehow, tak sedap hati yang melampau.

But as things progress, I managed to spill those beans that had almost grow inside of me to the persons related. And so, the prob was solved. :))

Sedar tak seadr, we are almost reaching the end of Ramadhan. Harini da the 21 hari puasa, and Alhamdulillah, setakat ni masih full lagi puasa. Tak dapat nak gambarkan betape happy-nyer dapat pose full.

As I expected, Ramadhan kali ni memang diff than the previous ones that I've gone through. Somehow, it is more fulfiling, more meaningful. Mama's absence has definitely leave some marks but, I am still able to continue college life as usual. Maybe du'a mama kat Tanah Suci termakbul kot. Untuk semua anak2Nya jadi anak yang soleh. Ameen. :)

Sudah setengah hari kulewati dengan begini - kakiku terlipat sehingga lutut ini menyentuh daguku. Sekuat tenaga kubenamkan wajahku diantara tangan dan kakiku. Tanganku semakin dingin dan getaran sedari tadi tak juga berhenti.

Entah berapa banyak air mata yang kukeluarkan sejak tadi. Isak tangis pun parau bukannya berhenti tapi semakin menjadi. Sesekali kupandangi layar handphone yang tergeletak di dekat kakiku. Pandanganku kabur namun jelas tak ada sms ataupun telepon yang masuk.Bagaimana ada orang setega dirinya? Mengapa ada orang bodoh yang rela menangisinya?

p/s: are you kidding me? this isn't mine. got it somewhere from the net.

Bismillah hirrahman nirrahim.


look at the time. sangat lambat.

at the moment, im doing my assignment with nas. and for a break, (and to keep me awake), i decided to eat maggi. yes. memang da craving pon. lame dah. and yes, mcm tak tidur la malam ni kan...

that's all. berhabuk blog tak update dkat smggu.

tunggu jap yer. I've loads of assignments to be handed in in these 2 weeks. tunggu jap jer, and I have loads of stuff to tell.

including the story about my big boss. major problem with the big boss. hugantic.

Salam Ramadhan!
Fiamanalillah. :)