Living underwater.

I think I have the best friends in the world. I mean, if there is such competition where you can nominate your friends, I would definitely nominate every one of them.

A friend in need is a friend indeed.

They have been very supportive towards me. In every incident that had happened to me, a tragedy or a success, they were always there where I need them. There where I can reach them.

Sometimes, well maybe not, Most of the time, I would always have problems in my relationship and I always turn to my friends. They listened without fail, and always, very oftenly, they will always have time for my 'kerenah'.

Maybe that is why, I have become so dependent on them too. See, since high school, I cant never go to DM alone. I would feel so lonely if I go alone. Haha. Some may say that its stupid but, there are some truth to what Im saying. Yela, tader orang nak g DM dengan kiter kan, its like rejected la.But I never had that moment. Mine was always a glittery one. (Teringat mase bukak pose kat DM!)

Anyways, in Kuching also, I've been blessed with such great people around me. They are so caring and understanding. Thanks girls for everything. I promise that I will try to improve myself, for the sake of you guys. Takkan ku lupakan korang forever~

Dear Lord,

I think this is too hard. Cubaan ni terlalu berat utk aku. I don't know whether I can go on. Examination is just around the corner. Somehow, Im not going to do well in it. Maybe I'll flunk every paper and maybe I won't go to Otago.So,dear God, help me.

One after another. Macam jatuh ditimpa tangga. How can I bear with it? Hoe can I deal with it? Initally I thought it would be ok.To not having anything to do with it anymore. I thought I would be alright. But, I don't. Dear God, help me.

Whatever the reason for this heavy downpour, I hope the sun would come out soon. Please. I can't bear it. I can't stand it. Please let the sun to come out as soon as possible. And, please let it stay as long as I live. Dear God, help me.

Please let this burden go away. Please let me live as how I used to be. Let me be that happy person, appreciating everyone around me. I want to be that joyous person I used to be. I know that Im strong. Why can't I be strong now? Give me strength to come out alive from this misery. Dear God, help me.

I am hopeless without him. But I know that Im more hopeless without You. For you are the all-giver. And everything that happens today, is because of your will. Because of the Qada' and Qadar. Everyhting happens for a reason, people might say it. Dear God, help me.

Im a helpless fish. Im a dead fish.

Wani: Maybe because, over the past 3 years, I've been depending solely on him. Maybe that's why it was quite hard to let go.

Grace: You know, maybe God is trying to show that, we human, cannot totally rely or depend on that other person, that other human. And also, He doesnt want us to love another human, another creation of His, more than we love him.

My lingering thoughts: Because He's the Boss and we are just his servants. He has the ultimate power, yet we chose to love and be reliant to another creature of His own creation. Sigh. Berdosanye.

It's her who have been doing all the sacrifices.
Who had worked for over 30 years to raise all 4 of us up.

Who tried her best to provide all my wants and needs,
(Piano lessons, art classes, dance classes.
Chocolate cake, mac and cheese, me hailam.)

Who hopes that I will have a good and happy life.
(She filled the form of the course that Im currently taking.
She didn't let me do stuff that
I thought was the best thing to do, but later grateful of not doing it. (actualization lambat))

Who never wants to see a tear on my face.
Who wants me to always wake up everyday with a smile.
Therefore, to be crying about someone other than Him and her,
is clearly "tak bertimbang rase".
She has done a lot of things to make me happy,
How can I cry, consequently worry her about trifles that
are insignificant compared to her sacrifes?

Finally, I decided to write again.

One knows that he or she is entering the adulthood when he or she starts to make meaningful decisions for his or herself. Im not saying that when we were in high school we did not make such decisions, but, in high school things were different.

Like, choosing to go play in the evening or to just stay in.
choosing to eat in the canteen or at the dining hall.
Or, Choosing to attend koko or skip it and stay in the sick bay.

These are choices too and to some people, they are meaningful. But, the clearer choices that one made in life, are choices that are , inevitably, undoubtly, affect his or her life in a long term. The decisions that one made, the path that they have chosen in the past, is the factor that he or she is living the life he or she has today.

But in making choices, one may be faced by many obstacles and challenges. This is the hardest part. while some may say that the best thing is to think the best for your future, we have remember that no one knows how the future may colour itselft. Whether it is pitch black or in the form of rainbows, only He knows what is best for us.

Making choices and having to face the result, be it good or bad, is a form of test from Him. In surah Muhammad, verse 31, Allah stated,

"And We shall certainly test you until We see those among you who struggle and are steadfast and try your tidings,"

Bad choices brings difficulties later in life while good decisions lead one to a happier life.

However, both indirectly help us to move forward in life. It depends on how we perceive that good fortune that comes along with the each package. Then, it all comes back to the fact that we are the servants of all, small people with nothing to be proud with, the loyal servants of Allah.

God helps those who help themselves.

If one faced difficulties after making that decison, after making that choice, remember that there are always other ways to remedize the bitterness.

"Return to your Lord, well-pleased and pleasing [to Him], And enter among My [righteous] servants, And enter My Paradise."

Allah is the most merciful. The one who created the land and the sky. The one who provides us with food and wealth, health and victory. He knows what is best for his servants for He is the All-knower. When everything seems to go down, remember, return to Allah. Remember that He never tests he or she with something that he or she cannot bear. Something he or she cannot come out alive with. Always remember Him as the sole rewarder to the people, the only source of happiness. Therefore, return to Allah, in sorrow or in happiness.

Always remember that every problem has its solution as how every pain can be relieved through painkiller. Find ways to solve them. Consult with friends, ask for advice and never lose hope. Allah is with you.

Dearest awak,

I hate the way you talk to me.
And the way you cut your hair.
I hate the way you drive my car.
I hate it when you stare

I hate your big dumb combat boots.
And the way you read my mind.
I hate you so much it makes me sick -
it even makes me rhyme.

I hate the way you're always right.
I hate it when you lie.
I hate it when you make me laugh -
even worse when you make me cry.

I hate it that you're not around.
And the fact that you didnt call.
But mostly I hate the way I don't hate you -
not even close, not even a little bit, not any at all.

وَلَنَبْلُوَنَّكُمْ بِشَيْءٍ مِّنَ الْخَوفْ وَالْجُوعِ وَنَقْصٍ مِّنَ الأَمَوَالِ وَالأنفُسِ وَالثَّمَرَاتِ وَبَشِّرِ الصَّابِرِينَ
"And most certainly shall We try you by means of danger, and hunger, and loss of worldly goods, of lives and of [labour's] fruits. But give glad tidings unto those who are patient in adversity"


الَّذِينَ إِذَا أَصَابَتْهُم مُّصِيبَةٌ قَالُواْ إِنَّا لِلّهِ وَإِنَّـا إِلَيْهِ رَاجِعونَ
"Who, when calamity befalls them, say, "Verily, unto God do we belong and, verily, unto Him we shall return."


Who is running after gold and silver will be its slaves, but gold and silver are under the feet of the servants of Allah- first reaching of Islam is patience, so you can control your ego- with a full stomach you can’t be able to rise to the level of Angels- the taste of physical pleasure is getting less, the Favours of Allah remain the same.

The taste patience gives us is something one cannot imagine. Thus, be patient. Allah knows what's best.

I think I've been raised to always be sensitive to others' feelings and always apologize whenever I feel uncomfortable after a 'talk' with friends. This is because, insensitivity and 'sikap tidak mengaku salah' are two major conflict contributors in relationships.

I have met a large number of people who refuses to say sorry even though they realize that they know that it is their fault. This group of people, are those that I really don't understand. I mean, after being clearly guilty in a situation, they still do not say that 's' word. I think, if I were to be in their position, the guiltiness would surely stick on my hair untill I apologize.

It is never wrong to make mistakes as we are only human. Being the creature rather than The Creator, we are bound to make mistakes. And the best remedy for this weakness is to apologize. Your ego and pride won't bring you to social greatness. Instead, they pull you into social no-no club.

However, when one says sorry, it does not mean that he or she is wrong. As stated intially, apologizing is a form of conflict avoidance.

I think, when a conflict takes place between 'A' and 'B', the first step that should be taken by both parties is to say sorry if both parties have, without purpose, hurt each others' feelings. However, if only one party has done the mistake, she ought to say sorry first. This is where self-conciousness takes place. Remember that, we are not always right, and that there are times that we should say sorry.

Ok. After that, after saying sorry that is, explain why you do the things you did. This is a crucial step because any insensitivity in explaining the reason will show insincerity. Do not raise your voice or try explaining using polite words rather than rough ones.

Well, of course we cannot actually change our behaviour overnight. But in order to be a better person, better person to live with, we have to make an effort to change.

As Grace has said it, "Change is constant,".

Got this from afiq from facebook.

Answer the following.
Get the total and multiplies by 3
Post as "I screw up ...% of my teenage life
Tag 15 of your friends

here goes..

[X] Gotten your phone taken away in school.
[ ] Gotten suspended.
[ ] Gotten caught chewing gum.
[ ] Gotten caught cheating on a test.

Total: 1

[ ] Arrived late to class more than 5 times.
[X] Didn’t do homework over 5 times
[X] Turned at least 3 projects in late
[X] Missed school cause you felt like it.
[ ] Laughed so loud you got kicked out of class.

Total : 3

[ ] Got your mom / dad etc. to get you out of school.
[X] Texted people during class.
[X] Passed notes.
[ ] Threw stuff across the room.
[ ] Laughed at the teacher.

Total : 2

[ ] Pulled Down The Fire Alarm.
[X] Went on Myspace , Facebook , Xanga , etc. on the computer at school.
[X] Took Pictures during school hours.
[X] Called someone during School hours.
[X] Listened to an iPod , mp3, CD , etc... During class.

Total : 4

[ ] Threw something at the teacher.
[X] Went outside the classroom without permission.
[X] Broke the dress code.
[X] Failed a class test.
[X] Ate food during class.

Total : 4

[ ] Gotten a call from the school.
[ ] Couldn’t go on a field trip cause you behaved badly.
[X] Didn’t take your stuff to school.
[ ] Gotten a detention and didn't go.
[ ] Stuck up your middle finger at a teacher when they were not looking.
[ ]Cursed during class loud enough so the teacher could hear

Total : 1

[ ] Faked your parents signature
[X] Slept in class.
[ ] Cursed at a teacher to their face
[X] Copied homework

Total: 2

MULTIPLY BY THREE : 17 x 3 = 51%

Tagging:

those who are interested.

surprise birthday party with them on saturday (27 March)

pressies and on the right is from nicholas and grace( 1 April)