Living underwater.

Changing is a big word. although some believe that staying the same, staying put at what you are doing is the best idea, when we think back and forth, changing too, is not that bad.

Because to evolve needs guts and boldness, i decided that it is time for me to do it. The hardest thing that i never thought i would have done. Most people said, in changing one self to be better, the beginning stages are the hardest. No doubt, it is hurtful and full of melancholy. But actually, come to think of it, i shouldn't be at all, sad or any other adjectives that falls into the same category. I should be proud that i have the ability to do so, to pursue what i want.

Maybe it's because i've been so used to the condition that i was in before..But, let's not talk about the past, because the things that happened in the past cannot be undo. The future that lies in front of us, is a better way to look at life.

when you reminicse the good times you had in the past,
imagine the great life you will have in the future.


when you think that no one cares about you,
remember that He loves you more than anyone else.

when all is lost,
He will give everything.

i am a bird, lost in the desert. Yet, He gives way to those who wants them.

~
mengikut waktu Islam, when it reaches maghrib, a new day has actually set out. since maghrib is like 2 hours away, it means that i will reach 20 in 2 hours.

may all the happiness in the world be yours, wani.

I know I've been busy this week that I've no time to write anything, and my birthdays is just like a few days away, and not today...I still want to thanks very good frens of mine for having this surprise becoming birthday for me today..

the story actually goes like this. (Amanda's actually Cass's cousin that Nas and I interviewed for our Linguistic assignment)

Thursday, 26 March 2009

Cass: Wani, Amanda's having this birthday party on friday and my mom said I should invite you guys since you interviewed her ma the other day..

Me: O.ok.. boleh jugak..

Cass: well, it's actually a surprise for her. i can't wait to see the birthday girl's face.

Me: Haha. Yeah me too. coz she's like soo shy...Is Nas coming?

Cass: That's a prob. I invited her but she said she has things to do.

Me: Ala.. if she goes, then I'll go... Ask rhenu to pursuade her la..

Cass: yeah, I told rhenu to do that already.

Friday, 27 March 2009
Morning, otw to class

Me: So, are you going to Amanda's bday party?

Nas: Yeah la.. you're going too right?

Me: yup. 5-7 pm ma..eh, what are you going to give her?

Nas: I hav this crocodile I bought for literature but wont be using it sbb mdm so tukar the assgnment. so I guess I'll give her that la..

Me: Ala, I dun have anything to give her la. Kene la gi Saberkas. you wanna cgo?

Nas: Malas la. We can share bah. the croc.

Me: Taper la. I ask diba first

-texting diba-
wani-nak g saberkas x?
dba- tak kot. aku ader discussion
wani- okies

around 10 a.m...

-texting diba-
dba-nak ikot g saberkas
wani-okies.pkol 12 ok?
dba-ok.
wani-nak naek uncle k jalan kaki?
dba-naek uncle la, sbb tamau pnat. aku ader discussion ptg nt.
wani-okies

afternoon, just got back from saberkas, before going to the respective venue (as what has been told- Mango Tree)

Me: Cass, I bought her something. cute spongebob glasses.

Cass: aiya wani. No need pon taper. the important thing is the presence.

Me: tapi not good maa, going to bday party, dont bring anything..

Cass: still the presence is what's important.

Me: how many people are going to be there ya cass?

Cass: .................

Me: around 50? 100?

Cass:..............

Me: is your grandmother coming too?

Cass: yeah. she should. you know, I cant wait to see the face of the birthday girl.

-----blablablabla----------

in Prem's car heading to the Spring coz Rhenu and Cass wanted to buy this crocodile in Memory Lane...

Rhenu: you have to come help us choose the thing.

Prem: you guys go first la.. I need to find a parking for the car.

Rhenu: no no. We'll go together. Faster la.. this is a birthday party and we're late.

Nas's phone rang

Nas: Ha mak. Kat Spring ni. Nak shopping. OK nanti akak call balik.

while entering the Spring, Nas said she wanted to buy cake, so we entered Secret Recipe.Then I saw Nana and Tharini. I thought that it was coincedent that we met them there. but things were a little wierd when Rhenu began sitting. But Nas still went ot the cake display area to look for the cake.

Me: guys, Im so blurr. What's happening?

Nas & Cass: ...........................

So they all sat, and being a little shy with prem, I didnt sit beside him. instead I sit at the end of the table. Then, Nas said.

Nas: go sit next to Prem.

Me: Huh? Why?

Nas: .......................

So, I went ot sit beside him, only to later notice that there were also Bonnie, Mel, Kak T and Atie there. Then the waiter came...with a cake..

I was still blurr though. what about Amanda's birthday?

Cass: there was no bday party for Amanda. It's a surprise bday for you n Prem!

and that's the story..

at the end of the day:

1. I bought a present for myself
2. the one calling Nas was Tharini. I was totally fooled.
3. My cheeks actually became lenguh due to excessive smiling.
4. the first 15 minutes at secret recipe, I wasnt really like 'berpijak dibumi yang nyata'.haha. Blur is a simpler word. shock and surprise.

Thanks girls for the short, yet memorable 20th becoming birthday party!

This one week holiday to me, seems like the busiest holiday. not that I have a lot of events going on.

but, the fact that I have tonnes of assignments is the torturous,most noxious poison of my holidays.

I've always bared in my mind that "cuti" means cuti. In other words, no assgnments or homework should be in my list of activities during the hol.

But, 2009 has not been helpful in helping me to be firm in that principle of mine. sigh.

I mean, loads and loads of assgment. Ok the amount doesnt really matter if I could concerntrate and focus on them. The problem is, I COULDN'T!!

And as a result, I resorted to my favorite social websites. Parasites, they are. Sumer kije tak jalan, due to being glued to the games in them. Tak wajar btol.

Baru satu siap, my part in the human development tuh.

confirm2 balik kuching this sunday, memang kerahan tenage + sleepless night + coffee la...

The big wolf has been told by the little rabbit to hop it.

The shadow of dependency has shown its true self.

Living those untied, drifted out to the sea.

I am a lioness, who roars dignity.
In the pride of lions, I protect my acquaintance.
When alone, I stand firm on my principles and virtue.

I refuse to be an eagle.
Distinguished by its size, build.
Wings and head filled with pride.
Yet, hovering on its own.
A bird of prey who showed no mercy.

..........

Little rabbit,

Why is it so hard to keep up?
Is it the pace?
Is it the morale?
or it is just a twinge of envy?

The latter seemed to sound dreadfully inane.
but it has revealed itself in various ordeals.

Life isn't a box of chocolate,
But it never was a glass of bitter milk.

No one asked for the heavy downpour.
Yet, no one asked for the Saharan to be as dry as it is.

..........

This is a marshy morass and what had just happened is a cloudburst.

I worried sick today. I tried so hard to keep my mind in the lesson during class today.

A few minutes ago, I visited frankie's blog and his latest post is about the annual form 5 dinner that he had last year, I guess.

It makes me reminisced the time when my batch had ours. The same, traditional dinner, attended by teachers and all the form fivers.

I remebered, in preparing the hall that very evening, decorating the hall with all sorts of 'kaen' that soon proved itself to be very useful and quite pretty as well, it was one of the best memories I had in that school.

I think I still have some photos of the dinner, which I will soon upload. Just to share with the rest of the 19th batch members.

I remembered too, that together with jamek, we were one of the emcee couples that night, along with another 4 couples. It was soo cool. No one ever did that I think. Well, it was actually to give the emcees time to enjoy their food too.

But anyways, time flies in the speed of 60 seconds a minute. (what does tt have to do with anythin?)

Percaya atau tidak, ith as almost been 3 years since my batch and I left school. Left SEMESTI. The school where I went schooling for 5 years.

Gile la. I miss those good old days, when I skip school and decided to go back to hostel right after the assembly just because I dont feel like going.

I miss having to sneak out of class half an hour early before lunch break and going through the guy's route to hostel(which is the longer but less visible to the wardens), so that I and other people who could-not-be-name did not have to queu for lunch.

I miss having to go to Scout's meeting when I was form five, doing nothing but act superior to the juniors.

I miss having ICU with my great add-math mentor, Fasyihah who is now in India, I heard.

I miss wearing slippers to prep, and got kantoi-ed with cikgu yasin who then decided to put my slippers outside the class.

I miss it when other people wore skin-coloured socks with sandals, and my name was written down by the prefects, because I wore slippers---sliper jamban( the slippers were purple) to class.

I miss studying in the reading room, with MP3 under my tudung.

I miss having to remember the good Sundays when we had our morning preps in the reading room while the radio was turned on quite loud in the room just because of the carta-s in various radio stations.

I miss having met all the teachers-they've been very helpful over the years.

Sigh. I miss the good old days when we didnt have any responsibilities, where our world is just books. exams, assemblies, outings, homeworks, prep hours, libraries, uniform units.....